Use What Hurts You

Until death, all defeat is psychological.

Sep 11, 2026

Vincent Van Gogh, *The Olive Trees* (1889)

“The rational creature can convert every hindrance into material for itself and utilize it for its own purposes.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 8.35

Marcus Aurelius likened a mind trained in philosophy to a strong fire. Whatever you threw onto it would turn into fuel.

The rationale behind this was that it’s not enough to recover from a difficult situation- we also have to extract something useful from it. An advantage. An opportunity.

Years earlier, Epictetus rendered the same notion. He said every situation has two handles- one with which it can be carried, and another by which it can’t.

You could say,

I was betrayed. I lost something important. This ruined my plans.

But you could also ask yourself,

What does this situation reveal, force me to learn, or give me the chance to improve?

That’s what we call reframing. You’re not changing the facts. Or gaslighting yourself. The point is to accept the negative situation as it is, and use it as a means of improvement. Of greatness. How badass is that?

For example, if a business partner betrayed you- you’d mull over the fact. Or you’d ask yourself, where was my due diligence weak? And how can I prevent this from happening again? Which incentives were poorly designed? Which agreements depended too much on goodwill? Fix these weaknesses and the betrayal may prevent a far greater loss later.

Say you suffered an injury and it became difficult to train, work or move as freely as you liked- sure it would suck. But it could also expose how dependent your identity was on performance. You’d use it as a chance to explore other hobbies- given how short life is. It could also be a chance to slow down- to think a bit more seriously about your health.

If your flight got cancelled, people disappointed you or family emergencies came up- you’d use the time angry at people- or you’d turn the disruption on it’s head, as a chance to train adaptability. With the new facts you’d use the time to read a book, edit a manuscript or check up on a friend. It’s all your time- which you’re free to use to your advantage- always. Heraclitus said, “Many who have learned from Hesiod the countless names of gods and monsters never understand that night and day are one".

Even in loneliness. Or poverty. Or death- you apply the same principle.

So the next time something goes wrong, ask yourself-

What useful thing can I leave this situation with that I didn’t have before?

Look for one of these five,

Information- What did this expose?
Skill- What must I become better at?
System- What process needs changing
Leverage- What can I now renegotiate, remove, or restructure?
Character- What quality is this forcing me to develop?

Then act on the answer while the pain is still fresh. That’s how you become an unstoppable force. Invincible.

Pain, failure, setbacks- they should leave you with better judgement, stronger-smoother systems, more courage or useful knowledge you can always leverage.

Whatever happens to you is all material- as the contemporary philosopher Robert Greene would say.

And that’s the point of Stoicism- not just to admire or regurgitate the ideas, but to practice them to actually help us become happier, freer, at peace and more successful. Wouldn’t you want that for yourself?

That’s the idea behind our private community, The Stoa.

I’m building it for serious readers- new and experienced- who want to practice and integrate Stoicism as a way of life through weekly challenges, exercises, real-life dilemmas, accountability and rich philosophical discourse that traverses all areas of life. This will be a year long program that only requires little of your time in a day, as you’ll spend most of your day living by the principles.

The goal is to make Stoicism so ingrained in you that you automatically turn to it when you actually need it. That’s the only way it can change your life.

We launch in under 1 week. People on the waitlist will be invited first and receive a special launch discount.

If you want to join the waitlist, reply to this email with the word STOIC and I’ll add you.

^{Ignore if you already did.}

With love,

Antonius Veritas, M.D