Do Everything You Can. Then Let Go

Things in our control are...

Claude Monet, Poppy Field (1973)

“Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions. The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others.” - Epictetus

Many people forget that we can care about an outcome or a goal without obsessing over it for motivation or so that it can come true. The Stoic philosopher Antipater of Tarsus used the metaphor of an archer to explain this concept.

Imagine you’re an archer preparing to shoot your target. You’ll obviously check the integrity of your bow, choose the best arrow, study the direction the wind is blowing, calm you nerves and take aim. Basically, everything is your responsibility before the arrow springs from the string.

After you release it, other forces take charge. A butterfly might increase the wind’s velocity. Your target may move faster than you thought. The humidity might increase the air’s resistance.

You can influence how you take the shot, but you can’t determine what happens thereafter.

I want you to understand that the archer still wants to hit his target. The Stoics never advised against wanting results. All they were asking of you is to place your definition of success, and thus your fulfillment where you’re fully in control- how you did the work culminating into your desired outcome.

This means that before a meeting, negotiation, difficult conversation, job application, date, presentation, or sales call, take two minutes and remember these two things-

What’s yours is your intentions, preparation, effort, tone, honesty, questions, boundaries, timing and follow-up.

What’s beyond your jurisdiction is if a person agrees with your terms, whether they like you, whether they buy your stuff, if they stay, whether they promote you, or if circumstances cooperate.

You then make a promise to yourself- to only judge yourself by the first list.

This way, you don’t ask if you got what you wanted. You otherwise consider,

Did I prepare properly?
Did I say what needed to be said?
Did I behave well under pressure?
What would I improve next time?

You ensure your attention goes where it’s most useful- where it’ll make a difference. Improving. Not ruminating. Re-strategizing. Not complaining- whining about what you deserve or don’t. Winning. Not becoming complacent in the event you succeed.

That’s it. You do everything in your power before you release the arrow, and in your expectations you add the fact that the world has influence in the outcome too. Applies to family, relationships, sports, career development- anywhere you set your mind to. Peace, everlasting joy and flourishing can’t help but follow you.

And that's the idea behind our private community, The Stoa.

I’m building it for serious readers- new and experienced- who want to practice and integrate Stoicism as a way of life through weekly challenges, exercises, real-life dilemmas, accountability and rich philosophical discourse that traverses all areas of life. This will be a year long program that only requires little of your time in a day, as you’ll spend most of your day living by the principles.

The goal is to make Stoicism so ingrained in you that you automatically turn to it when you actually need it. That’s the only way it can change your life.

We launch in under two weeks. People on the waitlist will be invited first and receive a special launch discount.

If you want to join the waitlist, reply to this email with the word STOIC and I’ll add you.

^{Ignore if you already did.}

With love,

Antonius Veritas, M.D