“Where there are things that appear most worthy of our approbation, we ought to lay them bare and look at their worthlessness, and strip them of all the words by which they are exalted. For outward show is a wonderful perverter of the reason, and when you are most sure that you are employed about things worth your pains, it is then that it cheats you most.” - Marcus Aurelius
Marcus Aurelius had a useful habit whenever something started to look more impressive, frightening or desirable than it was.
He’d describe the thing in simple terms to undress its aura.
He’d call fine wine fermented grape juice. He’d butcher the luxurious royal purple robes worn by emperors, calling them sheep’s wool dyed in putrid shellfish gore. He’d describe a juicy steak as just a dead animal cooked for dinner.
He practiced this principle in Book 6 of the Meditations, which is consistent with the Stoic idea of not being carried away by the appearance of things so that they don’t distract us from our path, and so that they don’t matter so much to us that we’d suffer ceaselessly if we lost them.
This practice translates to getting a hold of ourselves when,
Someone cancels a meeting and within seconds we assume they don’t respect our time. We forget there’s the possibility that they might not be the only or best option for us- and that’s ok.
We have a slow month in business and we forget all the progress we’ve made so far. We start thinking about how it’ll only get worse from here.
Our fancied lover takes hours to reply and we imagine they’re losing interest. Not giving them grace- forgetting they have a life of their own to live.
You get some criticism on something you did at work and become all anxious. You start thinking the worst- about how they think you’re incompetent, how they’ll laugh at you and are going to lose your job now.
And that’s the thing.
Your mind is always quick to jump into conclusions because within the first few moments it’s hard to separate an event from the running narrative in your mind.
The Stoics called what we get from an event or an object- an impression. You can’t always control what something automatically means at any moment, because how we see the world emerges from our childhood patterns. You can feel a desire, anger, fear, sadness or embarrassment come out of nowhere immediately something pops up.
However, what happens next is within your control.
And here’s a simple way to practice this today.
Subtract the Adjectives
Take a step back when something bothers you. Even in a literal sense if you can. Adjectives add color to our thoughts- so it’s wise to subtract them. Be sober.
This means, avoid the impulse to say-
He rudely ignored my message.
You don’t know that. The better handle for this situation is-
I sent him a message yesterday. He hasn’t replied.
Avoid-
The meeting was a complete disaster.
Try-
The investors disagreed with my proposal and we didn’t reach a decision.
2. Don’t Make False Predictions
Whenever you’re confronted with a disturbing feeling, take a piece of paper and create two lines. On one hand, you’ll write what has happened and on the other you’ll note down what you’re making it mean.
For example, you say that-
My client ended our contract.
Then on the other side you write what you think, that-
I’m losing momentum. More clients will leave. My business might fail.
Now you’ve laid it all bear- ready for scrutiny under the calm light of philosophy.
Some of what you think will happen will probably do so. But right now most of it is just speculation. You can’t resolve a ghostly appearance of matters.
3. Decide What’s Next
Unproven facts lead to faulty actions- trust but verify. For once the facts are clear and the story is coherent, you decide what your next step will be.
The client fired you.
Ok, cool.
Is there a need to know why? To replace the revenue? To improve the product? To review your sales pipeline? To accept that the relationship has simply run its course?
Reality is always much better than what you imagine. Always deal with life at that level- it’s easier that way.
This applies everywhere- from an argument with your partner or family. A bad month in business. Dealing with insults. Rejection. A medical problem. A difficult conversation. Or something you’ve been worried about for 3 days.
Always deal with the facts.
This is the idea behind one of the central spaces inside our private community, The Stoa.
Members will bring real problems from their work, relationships, ambitions and everyday lives. We’ll take those issues apart- what happened, what judgment you’ve added, what action the philosophy demands from you. And then you’ll get ideas of what you can do to prepare for any scenario.
The aim is to get better at thinking like a Stoic so that you’re not surprised by life happening.
We launch on Friday, September 18. People on the waitlist will be invited first and receive a special launch discount.
If you want to join the waitlist, reply to this email with STOIC and I’ll add you.
Ignore if you already have.
With love,
Antonius Veritas, M.D