speak up
Shed light on your wrath, and it ends.
“If someone is slipping up, kindly correct them and point out what they missed. But if you can’t, blame yourself- or no one.” — Marcus Aurelius
A Poison Tree by William Blake,
“I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.And I watered it in fears
Night and morning with my tears,
And I sunned it with smiles
And with soft deceitful wiles.And it grew both day and night…”
You know how pent up anger behaves. Blake understood it long before any of us had the words. Shed light on your wrath, and it ends. Repress it, and it grows- fed by fear, watered by insecurity, warmed by the little smiles you give to keep the peace. You do this more often than you’d like to admit. You tell yourself it’s nothing. You don’t want friction. You don’t want to disrupt a fragile affection, especially when you’re enamoured and convinced the person you admire couldn’t possibly misstep. So you hold it in. You ignore the shitty feeling when someone you thought of as a friend uses you, one ups you, gossips about you. You suppress the discomfort when your generosity and goodwill becomes their convenience. Silence feels easier in the moment.
But the unsaid never disappears. It settles into you. It distracts you, the way obsessive thoughts coil around your focus until you’re feeling demotivated- apathetic, resentful. Even within yourself, the darkness you refuse to face hardens you in strange ways. You feel ashamed of the mistakes you made when overwhelmed with desire. You feel embarrassed about how easily you lose your edge when life seduces you with comfort. You feel angry at yourself for coasting when you know discipline is the price of every meaningful thing you want. And because these frustrations stay unspoken, they gather mass. They distort your sense of self. They make you burst out in anger for reasons that seem unrelated, and you feel miserable. But the truth is simple. Everything you refuse to address in yourself will become a pressing issue.
Even insecurity behaves this way. You become sensitive, weighted, thrown off by the slightest change in someone’s tone. You assume disrespect. You imagine malice where there might be none. You forget that people are often clumsy rather than cruel. And every time you smile through something that bothers you, the tree grows taller- its roots reaching into your energy, its branches blocking your joy. Blake warned us. What’s hidden blooms in the dark- the shadow grows darker.
But there’s another path. Forget the worst that you imagine could possibly happen- as long as you’re not doing wrong. Speak up. Write down what’s irritating you- be as real and honest as possible. Admit the envy- even if in a journal. Confess the anger before it curdles. Argue things out with the person irritating you. Ask for what you want. And when you do, you’ll realize it eases the pressure building inside you. You stop mistaking fear for intuition. You stop letting shame dictate your mood and what you do. You remember that your life is finite, and peace is too expensive to waste on repression. You set boundaries because it’s how you enforce self-respect. You choose people who choose you. You choose people who love and respect you- those who listen to sound criticism without arrogance. You forgive your flaws. You return to the harmonious flow within you.
And once you learn this rhythm- truth over suppression, expression over attrition, without whining, explaining yourself, or complaining- the wrath ends as simply as Blake promised.
I was angry with my friend. I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
That’s how you grow, enjoy your life and live well.
Join 78,600 other Stoics,
P.S: Annual & Patron members get all my books with their subscription. The bundle includes, ‘The Best of Marcus Aurelius’, ‘The Tools’, with over 40,000 words of bonus content + a free copy of ‘The Stoic Manual Vol. 1’ dropping September next year. Patron members also get Lifetime Access to the publication with a one-time fee, all bonuses, and all future benefits- at no extra cost. Featured,
P.P.S: Most people loved the series on How to Deepen Your Friendships, Part I, Part II & Part III. Also check out the practical entries on How To Deal With Toxic People, How to Process & Overcome Grief & How to Prevent and Overcome Burnout. Happy reading!
Did you like this entry? Tell me about it.
I always enjoy hearing from you, and for you to hear from each other.
Please leave a like (❤️), tell me what you think (💬) in the comment section and share this post with someone so that more people can discover and benefit from it.
Support The Stoic Manual and access 260+ premium in-depth essays: lessons & mini-courses in the art of living, consolations for difficult times, Relationship Mini-courses, The Wealth Playbook, Leadership Skills, Social Skills and Health Tools for a virile and distinguished life.
This is a very challenging piece! it's difficult to reconcile this with ignoring what others say about you.
I had a situation recently where someone said some really mean things about me in a meeting where I wasn't present. It was clearly said out of anger and frustration, and not based in any evidence.
In that same group of people, I had always defended this person when he wasn't there.
So I called him on the phone and frankly discussed the matter. And after the call I felt better, but the betrayal still stings and bugs the shit out of me.
Great post, courageous conversations are so hard. I pick and choose when to have them fortunately/unfortunately.