“It’s in keeping with Nature to show our friends affection and to celebrate their advancement, as if it were our very own.” - Seneca
It’s hard to root for others. Harder than we admit. Watching someone else succeed can feel like watching your own shadow lengthen- suddenly you look smaller than you thought you were. Their victories seem to announce our failures to us, their brilliance can make our own light and hard work feel dimmer. And when we look at those behind us, cheering them on can feel just as threatening. We fear that by lending them strength, we somehow weaken our own, as though encouragement were a finite resource that, once given away, leaves us with less.
But this is the illusion of ego, and the Stoics warned us about it. Marcus wrote that “what is good for the hive is good for the bee.” When you cheer for another’s progress, you strengthen the whole order to which you belong. The higher human order. You remind yourself that life is not a zero-sum contest. Their gain does not lessen your win. Their victory does not steal from you. It proves that the path forward is possible, that excellence is within reach.
Rooting for those behind you is just as necessary. When you see someone falter and still will themselves to move, you’re reminded of your own struggle, of the nights you nearly quit. To support them is to honor the version of yourself that endured. To laugh at them is to mock the very embers that kept you lit up when everything around you was ashes. What they need most is being seen, being believed in, unlike the people who didn’t have faith in you.
None of this requires you to abandon your own ascent. You must fulfill your glorious destiny. It asks only that you be strong enough within yourself not to see others as threats. Be self-reliant, as Marcus urged- emotionally, physically, spiritually. “Your duty is to stand straight - not held straight,” he said. Be generous, not only with your money, but with patience, with kindness, with love.
And here lies this paradox. Rooting for others is rooting for yourself. When they rise, the world rises. And when the world rises, so do you.
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P.P.S: Most people loved the series on How to Deepen Your Friendships, Part I, Part II & Part III. Also check out the practical entries on How To Deal With Toxic People, How to Process & Overcome Grief & How to Prevent and Overcome Burnout. Happy reading!
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We think cheering for others takes something from us.
The truth is the opposite - refusing to cheer drains you more than giving ever will.