It’s natural to be suspicious of people. To scan faces, tones, and gestures for signs of betrayal and discontent. To assume the worst before the worst ever happens. We’ve all done it- condemned someone silently for a careless remark, or written them off entirely because they came from a background we didn’t trust. It’s instinctual. The mind protects itself through judgment. But that same instinct that once kept us safe as we evolved now brings us so much anxiety.
The truth is that most people are not out to hurt us. They’re simply caught up in their own demons- tired, distracted, sometimes clumsy in how they express themselves. You know they’ve been good people in the past. Yet we turn their mistakes into character assassinations. We say, I knew it, and close the door. What if, instead, we left it open just a little longer? What if we watched, waited, and allowed them a chance to show who they really are? Often, what we take as disrespect is just someone’s bad day colliding into ours.
To give someone the benefit of the doubt may look like weakness- but it’s a crucial pillar for goodwill. It’s choosing peace over paranoia. It’s saying, I’ll protect my energy. I don’t have time for that. You don’t need to fight for dominance in every interaction. You can stay professional, composed, even kind- keeping a gentle distance when needed, asking for clarification, correcting when someone can listen, but never letting cynicism win.
You’ll find that most of your wild and negative assumptions end once you start paying them attention as you do the clouds. You simply watch them pass. For people become as you see them. When you expect good, you often get it. When you extend grace, you pull others toward the greatness you see in them.
Magnanimity is how you preserve your sanity in a world already full of conflict and fragile egos. You correct or punish when you must- but from a place of love, not vengeance. Because to see the best in others, even when they make stupid mistakes, is to protect the best in yourself and to invite them, gently, into growth.
That’s my challenge for you today.
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P.P.S: Most people loved the series on How to Deepen Your Friendships, Part I, Part II & Part III. Also check out the practical entries on How To Deal With Toxic People, How to Process & Overcome Grief & How to Prevent and Overcome Burnout. Happy reading!
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The part about negative assumptions dissolving when you observe them like clouds is true for me. Most of the time, the story you tell yourself about someone's intentions is just that—a story. They weren't attacking you. They were distracted, stressed, or thoughtless. The interpretation is yours, not theirs. When you stop feeding that interpretation with attention and just let it pass, it usually does.
Agreed. I took exactly this path with a colleague at the beginning of this year. My initial reaction was mistrust and an instinct toward avoidance. Something told me there was more to the story, however. After careful consideration, I decided to lean in, get curious, and let the situation develop without trying to control it. Ten months later, I'm pleased to report that I've been very pleasantly surprised to find a new ally in this person.