Learn From Others, Even Your Enemies
Every person is a teacher. The weak show us where not to stumble, the strong show us what heights to aim for, and the flawed show us how to forgive both them and ourselves.
P.S: Most people loved the entries on How to Deepen Your Friendships, Part I, Part II & Part III. Also check out the entries on How To Deal With Toxic People & How To Negotiate.
“I’ll never be ashamed to quote a bad writer with a good saying.” — Seneca
People test us in different ways. Some bore us until we grow restless. Some frustrate us with their flaws. Some inspire admiration, while others stir envy or intimidation. Left unchecked, these reactions trap us in ourselves, making the day heavier and those around us to suffer for it. The way out is not to retreat, to be defensive, but to pay attention - to turn it outward and ask: what can I learn here? Every person we meet, whether friend, stranger, or rival, carries a lesson if we’re willing to see it. This is what helps us tolerate them, learn how to work with them, and get over the pettiness.
The first lessons often come through negation. We watch cowardice, incompetence, laziness, duplicity, or childishness and mark them as disgusting, beneath us - paths that constrict the soul and hurt other people. We see arrogance that feeds on putting others down, and we learn how small it makes a person look. Yet, even in the flawed, the inverse truth appears, they’re not all evil - it takes character, even if applied toward selfish ends in their case, to be a good bad person. We can learn how to be clever like they are, to be fully committed when getting after our goals, to refine our faculties, to be charismatic and confident. A wise man, just as the ancient Romans built a statue in honor of their most worthy enemy - Hannibal, respects his opponent.
From our dear friends comes the art of conversation - to listen to their struggles. To guide engagement toward what strengthens both sides, to share cool stories, to banter without cruelty, to have fun without losing ourselves.
Mentors and teachers on the other hand show us the discipline behind greatness: be quiet, set daily objectives, have high standards of performance, show up and do the work without complaining, stay healthy, confront weaknesses, ask for help when needed, and push yourself to learn until knowledge settles into mastery.
From women we may learn elegance, from men strength, from both the courage to channel competitiveness into refining our uniquenesses, the wisdom to readily accept and adapt to what we cannot change - for nature doesn’t make mistakes when assigning its roles. We can learn forgiveness, the humility of giving others the benefit of doubt, and the discipline of focusing on what lies within our control. Even envy, when seen rightly, instead of dragging us down, it can show us what’s within our potential to strive for and remind us that if they can do it, we can also push the boundaries of possibility.
The greatest lesson, however, is love. To want the best even for those who’ve wronged us, because carrying hate and revenge corrodes us more than it punishes them. We can admire their dedication, their fearlessness, their joy. We can remember what not to imitate - the cruelty, the indifference that harms others. And we can gather what is beautiful, letting it lift and adorn our own lives.
Every person is a teacher. The weak show us where not to stumble, the strong show us what heights to aim for, and the flawed show us how to forgive both them and ourselves. If we remain students of human nature, no encounter is wasted. The world becomes a school, and even our enemies are full of surprising wisdom, as Seneca knew when he generously quoted our rival philosophers - the Epicureans. He said,
“Quite possibly you’ll be demanding to know why I’m quoting so many fine sayings from Epicurus rather than ones belonging to our own school. But why should you think of them as belonging to Epicurus and not as common property?”
Wisdom is common property.
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I am struggling with a lot of hate towards people which I am not very proud of, and which weighs heavily on me. This post helped, thanks 🙏
I really like that “wisdom is common property “ thank you