build your self-confidence
For the days when trusting yourself feels inadequate.
P.S: Most of you loved this previous entry on ‘the antidote to despair.’
“I tell you, you only have to learn to live like the healthy person does . . . living with complete confidence. What confidence? The only one worth holding, in what is trustworthy, unhindered, and can’t be taken away—your own reasoned choice.” - Epictetus
There are days when trusting yourself feels inadequate. Days when the situation in front of you looms gloomier than the light of every principle you’ve chosen to live by. You’ve done the work, reflected, reasoned, committed to a philosophy that values judgment over hysteria- and still, doubt slips in. You wonder whether relying on yourself is arrogance disguised as courage. You wonder whether choosing reason over reflexive impulses is a luxury you can’t afford when circumstances demand urgency. You feel like you’ve bitten more than you can chew. And that tension, the apprehension, is like the middle of a run- where you just want to go back home. Anyone intentional about their growth has felt it.
The truth is that self-belief will never come from certainty. You become confident from deciding to stand by your standards and reasoning even while fear presses for you to cave in. When setbacks pile up, when progress slows, when effort is unrecognized, your mind reaches for escape routes. Approval. Distraction. Short-term pleasures. Fight or flight feels more apt than restraint. It’s easy to think something’s wrong with you for hesitating, for questioning whether this path works when the world seems to reward impulse and aggression. But I want you to know that nothing is wrong with you. You’re simply at the point where your belief and fidelity to virtue is tested. Double down on rationality. Double down on your practice and preparation. As Seneca wrote,
“Fire is the test of gold; adversity, of strong men.”
Stoic confidence grows here- inside that discomfort. You learn to treat hardship as the way rather than evidence of failure. You begin to see that relying on yourself doesn’t mean denying pain or pretending you’re strong. It simply means trusting your capacity to respond well, even while unsettled. You remember that reasoned choice exists precisely for moments like these, when emotion tries to hijack purposeful direction. Each time you pause, assess, and act deliberately, you reinforce a conviction- you can be relied upon. By yourself and others. You can even take this further by voluntarily seeking out discomfort- for this is what makes you better, stronger, faster.
This path often feels lonely. You won’t always be reassured by results or recognition. What grounds you instead is repetition- doing the work. You choose discipline again. You meet reality as it is- not as you want it to be. You accept to put in effort without guarantees. And over time, this builds a cavernous confidence that doesn’t depend on your mood or any external things. You recover faster. You panic less. You endure more. You dream bigger. You start handling situations others avoid because they demand patience, restraint, competence and long vision- which means lesser competition.
The Stoic’s emphasis that nothing outside your reasoned choice can hurt you and that you should only focus on what’s within your control never meant to make life easy. The goal is to make you capable. Capable of remaining composed under pressure. Capable of finding meaning when you’re pushed to the edge. Capable of choosing dignity when what’s happening around you just wants you to be reactive. You can trust them. You can trust yourself for committing to the philosophy. That trust won’t remove difficulty, but it will let you move through it with composure, competence, and a form of happiness that survives conditions most people believe would break them. As Marcus Aurelius wrote,
“You say — ‘It’s unfortunate that this has happened to me.’ No. It’s fortunate that this has happened and I’ve remained unharmed by it — not shattered by the present or frightened of the future. It could have happened to anyone. But not everyone could have remained unharmed by it.”
Not everyone is a Stoic.
Courage. Justice. Wisdom. Discipline. That’s all you need to be confident at any given moment- in any event. Maybe you’ll have to take a nap, please do, but virtuous action is all you need. No one can take or compel away this choice from you.
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P.P.S: Most people loved the series on How to Deepen Your Friendships, Part I, Part II & Part III. Also check out the practical entries on How To Deal With Toxic People, How to Process & Overcome Grief & How to Prevent and Overcome Burnout. Happy reading!
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This was a great read and seemed to have found me at the right time as I navigate a new layer of hardship. It confirms much of an inner knowing, so thank you for your writing. It has been helpful.