"External validation" often masquerades as "feedback," and vice versa. It takes a good deal of self-awareness to know *why* you do what you do, and a good deal of discipline to seek feedback for self-improvement and not external validation for self-gratification.
Sometimes, you choose an activity where success is measured by an external scorecard by necessity. That's where the self-awareness and the discipline become indispensable..
Your essay is great and so important. Comparison can be a motivator, but only that, it should not be used to deflate ourselves. I run a 5K once a year, I am 69, I don't run to win compared to others, I run to win for me, and that is just to finish and get my participation medal. As I get older and less older people run I think I may place and get a ribbon for 3rd place! Those are the goals I like, good enough, flexible, and living life with zest and participating in life with no real goal in mind!! Just fun!
Life isn’t a race on a single track but a terrain of many paths. Philosophy reminds us that peace comes from tending what is ours to do our breath, our effort, our character and letting go of comparisons that were never meant to measure us.
"Comparison is the thief of joy" is a well-known tenet that's much easier said than practiced.
Take a step back and ask yourself: wouldn't it be better to have nothing to compare yourself to? Instead of reminding yourself "comparisons = bad" when your mind wanders in that direction, wouldn't it be better if your mind never wandered there in the first place?
• Live simply.
• Stay off of social media (including Substack, where all the likes and subscriber counts are visible and there to make you feel small).
• Avoid the Diderot Effect.
If you don't know something exists, you can't desire it. If you aren't aware of someone else's superiority, you will never feel inferior.
Ignorance is bliss – why not use this knowledge to your advantage? Learn deeply the things that you deem important. Be selectively ignorant about the rest.
The running metaphor really lands here. That moment when u realize focusing on faster runners ahead just burns you out, while staying in ur own lane keeps momentum going. I've had similar expereince at the gym where I'd watch someone lift way more and feel inadequate, then miss my own progress. The Goethe quote about providence moving once you commit is spot on tho, sometimes the breakthroughs come when we stop chasing someone else's path.
My mother taught me, always, not to compare myself to others, but only to strive to be the best possible version of myself. I’m not sure she’d ever read much from the ancient philosophers - I think she’s just a wise woman. This practice has served me well all my life.
When I find myself focused on the person in front of me, I release that feeling of behindness and remember, that person is future-me and I'm right behind them ☺️
"How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does." — Marcus Aurelius.
Your edge decays the moment you seek external validation.
The market rewards independent verification; it punishes the crowd.
"External validation" often masquerades as "feedback," and vice versa. It takes a good deal of self-awareness to know *why* you do what you do, and a good deal of discipline to seek feedback for self-improvement and not external validation for self-gratification.
Sometimes, you choose an activity where success is measured by an external scorecard by necessity. That's where the self-awareness and the discipline become indispensable..
Your essay is great and so important. Comparison can be a motivator, but only that, it should not be used to deflate ourselves. I run a 5K once a year, I am 69, I don't run to win compared to others, I run to win for me, and that is just to finish and get my participation medal. As I get older and less older people run I think I may place and get a ribbon for 3rd place! Those are the goals I like, good enough, flexible, and living life with zest and participating in life with no real goal in mind!! Just fun!
Life isn’t a race on a single track but a terrain of many paths. Philosophy reminds us that peace comes from tending what is ours to do our breath, our effort, our character and letting go of comparisons that were never meant to measure us.
"Comparison is the thief of joy" is a well-known tenet that's much easier said than practiced.
Take a step back and ask yourself: wouldn't it be better to have nothing to compare yourself to? Instead of reminding yourself "comparisons = bad" when your mind wanders in that direction, wouldn't it be better if your mind never wandered there in the first place?
• Live simply.
• Stay off of social media (including Substack, where all the likes and subscriber counts are visible and there to make you feel small).
• Avoid the Diderot Effect.
If you don't know something exists, you can't desire it. If you aren't aware of someone else's superiority, you will never feel inferior.
Ignorance is bliss – why not use this knowledge to your advantage? Learn deeply the things that you deem important. Be selectively ignorant about the rest.
The running metaphor really lands here. That moment when u realize focusing on faster runners ahead just burns you out, while staying in ur own lane keeps momentum going. I've had similar expereince at the gym where I'd watch someone lift way more and feel inadequate, then miss my own progress. The Goethe quote about providence moving once you commit is spot on tho, sometimes the breakthroughs come when we stop chasing someone else's path.
Such a great piece - thank you for sharing your experience, reflections and the wisdom of stoics and wise ones!! 🙏😊
My mother taught me, always, not to compare myself to others, but only to strive to be the best possible version of myself. I’m not sure she’d ever read much from the ancient philosophers - I think she’s just a wise woman. This practice has served me well all my life.
When I find myself focused on the person in front of me, I release that feeling of behindness and remember, that person is future-me and I'm right behind them ☺️
This was a great, warm read.
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing this powerful post! 👏🏾💯🔥