LXXXXIII. What You’re Avoiding Is the Way Forward
Rivers are easiest to cross at their source.
“Enough of this miserable, whining life. Stop monkeying around! Why are you troubled? What’s new here? What’s so confounding? The one responsible? Take a good look. Or just the matter itself? Then look at that. There’s nothing else to look at. And as far as the gods go, by now you could try being more straightforward and kind. It’s the same, whether you’ve examined these things for a hundred years, or only three.” — Marcus Aurelius
You already know what you’ve been avoiding. You know, as the Roman writer and playwright, Publius Syrus wrote, “Rivers are easiest to cross at their source.”
Maybe it’s the books and articles you promised you’d read to get better. Or the job you’ve outgrown but still cling to because it’s safe. Maybe it’s the resentment you have toward people who didn’t help you when you needed them. Or that empty feeling inside, when on the fourth bender in a week, that tells you something’s missing. It could be a skill you know would help you, but for some reason you haven’t started it, yet you find time to watch TikTok videos every evening. Maybe you’ve been slacking a little too much —you feel lost, fragmented and full of doubts because your actions no longer match your values. Maybe you’re scared to face the pain buried deep in your past, so you keep yourself busy to ignore it.
We’ve all done that. We all stall, ignore, wait and hope things get better without doing the ugly work. We tell ourselves we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. We hope someone will come along and fix our insecurities for us. But they won’t. And while that may sound harsh, fortunately, it’s also where our freedom begins.
You can’t grow unless you own your problems. If you feel weak, admit it. Don’t make excuses or blame others. Start working on the strength you need — hit the gym and get on a good diet. If no one notices your work, make it better, market it, or track it on a spreadsheet and present it to your boss. If you feel intellectually inadequate, learn how to learn, grab some good books, study hard, then learn how to remember what you learn more effectively. If your relationship is growing stale and unbearable, learn how to keep it alive. If people are always helping you, that’s fine. But now it’s time to be capable enough to help them too. Not to prove anything—but because it’s what a strong person does.
You also have to deal with your emotions. Your feelings don’t define you—but they do influence your actions. Emotions like anger, jealousy, guilt, or fear aren’t useless. They’re cues for your virtues to shine. If you pay attention and handle them right, they can push you forward. But only if you stop pretending you have no control and start acting like the one in charge.
“Want a great empire? Rule over yourself.” — Publius Syrus
We all get one life. And too many people spend theirs avoiding the exact things that would make them stronger. That hard conversation with your spouse about finances — you’ll be surprised at how understanding and helpful they are. That failed attempt with your business—it’s full of lessons and now you have an interesting story to tell. That class you’re afraid to take — you could meet your spouse there. That bitter truth you’ve been scared to face — like a doctor whose made a diagnosis, now you know exactly what to fix. That full range of motion squat rep at the gym when no one’s watching — that’s where your gains will come from. Do a postmortem of how you’ve been living your days and resurrect the dead parts.
Yes, it’ll be hard. Yes, it’ll take time. Yes, you’re not Frankenstein. But people who’ve pledged to build and re-build themselves never regret the effort. The only regret is from waiting too long, blaming others, or pretending not to care.
“Divide the fire and you will sooner put it out.” — Publius Syrus
So take it. Take the weight. The work. The honest self-review. The long, tortuous path. Take the responsibility others avoid—and build a life that most people can’t even imagine.
That’s the trade. And if you’re ready, it’s worth it.
Some questions to reflect on,
What’s the one uncomfortable task I’ve postponed that would make a big difference if I just did it?
In which part of my life have I handed away power by waiting instead of moving?
What emotion keeps hijacking my behavior—and how would my life change if I mastered it instead of fleeing it?
Who would I become if I made it a habit to take on the painful responsibilities in my life that everyone else dodges in theirs?
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Exactly what I needed to read today! Thank you so much
This truly resonated with me. 2 years now that I've started avoiding making excuses, facing my fears and get myself in the game again. I am doing everything still afraid inside, but I do not think there's a shame in that. While it can be a bit easier to focus on actually doing something, settle your emotions and accept so many things you spent years to deny takes a bit more time and commitment. Nevertheless, we need to take the time to do it all, for ourselves and to avoid wasting precious time. We've only got one life.