Seek Better Friends
The right people will convince themselves to hang around you.
“There’s nothing worse than a wolf befriending sheep. Avoid false friendship at all costs. If you are good, straightforward, and well meaning it should show in your eyes and not escape notice.” - Marcus Aurelius
It’s human to want connection. You crave people who see you, who listen, who make you feel alive again after long workdays and melancholic episodes. You meet them, and for a while, it feels right- you laugh over drinks, they share fun stories, they bring small gifts, attention, more drinks. You start to think you’ve found your circle. But then the cracks appear. The same mouths that praised you begin to talk behind your back. The same friends who once cheered for you start diminishing your wins. They envy you quietly, abandon you at the slightest of troubles, or worse- influence you subtly, until you wake up one day and realize you’ve become a version of yourself that you barely recognize.
You tell yourself this is just how people are- that some disappointments are the price of companionship. But part of maturity is learning that love without respect isn’t worth keeping, that laughter without trust is a trap, and that proximity can be tragic when it costs you peace. You start understanding that it’s better to take your time with friendships and to learn how to be alone rather than rush into false entanglements. You learn that discernment, what the naive call nonchalant, is how you avoid toxic people.
There’s no shame in walking away from those who drain you. There’s wisdom in wishing them well from afar- as Marcus Aurelius wrote,
“When your sparring partner scratches or head-butts you, you don’t then make a show of it, or protest, or view him with suspicion or as plotting against you. And yet you keep an eye on him, not as an enemy or with suspicion, but with a healthy avoidance. You should act this way with all things in life. We should give a pass to many things with our fellow trainees. For, as I’ve said, it’s possible to avoid without suspicion or hate.”
You soon start to see that not every listener has pure motives, not every friend wants you free, and not every bond deserves revival. It hurts- of course it does- to outgrow people you once couldn’t imagine living without. But what’s more dangerous is losing yourself in the process of keeping them or when exerting revenge. What’s more dangerous is losing your peace and joy over unworthy people when you’re trying so hard to be a better person.
So you begin again. You learn to be your own friend first. You choose the few who match your sincerity, your good energy, your pure intentions- who challenge you to grow instead of staying comfortable. You learn to value the rare relationships that you don’t have to wear a mask around. And slowly, you stop chasing connection- you just are- and the right people convince themselves to hang around you. You get better friends.
All I ask is that you, in turn, strive to become a genuine friend to those around you. Beware the wolf inside you.
P.S: Check out the series on How to Deepen Your Friendships, Part I, Part II & Part III. Also look at the practical entries on How To Deal With Toxic People, How to Process & Overcome Grief & How to Prevent and Overcome Burnout. Happy reading!
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