On Self-Imposed Limitations
Congratulations. You played yourself.
“No slavery is more disgraceful, than one which is self-imposed.” - Seneca
“The person is free who lives as they wish, neither compelled, nor hindered, nor limited—whose choices aren’t hampered, whose desires succeed, and who don’t fall into what repels them. Who wishes to live in deception—tripped up, mistaken, undisciplined, complaining, in a rut? No one. These are base people who don’t live as they wish; and so, no base person is free.” - Epictetus
Somewhere along the way, you built a pretty prison. Didn’t need bricks or bars- just a few well placed decisions to entertain a toxic person, to pay a lot for urges and indulgences you don’t even question, to accept invitations for events you don’t even want to attend, a handful of ‘not yets’ you kept rolling forward like you do a software update, and a truly impressive talent for calling your cowardice ‘being realistic.’ And here’s the thing- you did it willingly. Nobody asked you to. You just woke up one day, looked at the full buffet of human experience laid out in front of you, and chose the bread roll.
Congratulations. You played yourself.
The Stoics understood this about two thousand years ago. Marcus Aurelius was the most powerful man in the known world- commander of legions, ruler of an empire stretching from Scotland to Syria- and yet the book he is most remembered for, the Meditations, was never written for an audience. It was a private journal, a daily practice of self-correction, a man talking to himself each morning before the demands of the day arrived. He had barbarians at the border and a plague killing his citizens, and his main journaling concern was whether he was responding with enough virtue. Which is either deeply inspiring or mildly insane, depending on your mood. He kept reminding himself that…
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P.P.S: Most people loved the series on How to Deepen Your Friendships, Part I, Part II & Part III. Also check out the practical entries on How To Deal With Toxic People, How to Process & Overcome Grief & How to Prevent and Overcome Burnout. Happy reading!