“Whenever you take offense at someone’s wrongdoing, immediately turn to your own similar failings, such as seeing money as good, or pleasure, or a little fame—whatever form it takes. By thinking on this, you’ll quickly forget your anger, considering also what compels them—for what else could they do? Or, if you are able, remove their compulsion.” - Marcus Aurelius
Perhaps you’ve ever criticized others without pausing to consider the burdens they carry, the limits they’re pushing against, the private goals they set for themselves. You’ve condemned, you’ve patronized, yet you’ve done the very things you despise. It doesn’t feel so good, does it? And that is the first sting of hypocrisy- the humbling realization that you’re no exception- you’ve fucked up, thrown a tantrum, and failed at the same expectations you have for others. The only noble response is to own it, to correct your reaction, to extend the benefit of doubt, and to stop wasting energy raging at what you cannot control. A man grows greater by reigning his impulse to punish and refining himself into someone who can treat others with patience and respect- which is a much harder task, but more rewarding.
Maybe you’ve worn a mask, presented yourself as someone you’re not, and then suffered the sickly feeling of being an impostor. You’ve spoken behind people’s backs, harbored unworthy thoughts, judged too quickly. It feels stabbing when you catch yourself in it, doesn’t it? Of course, it’s lowering yourself into pettiness. But the recognition is a gift, because it allows you to confront and feed the demons you know live inside and to remind yourself that no enemy outside can harm you more than the ones within. To master those impulses is to sublimate this raw energy for the higher work of building, striving, creating.
Probably you’ve lied, even if only to get by, to buy time, to secure ground beneath your feet or to press forward when the door was locked. You’ve reacted in ways that revealed weakness rather than strength, and it showed a side of you that does not match the man you want to become, the man others have come to love and admire. You’ve hurt people through your power, you’ve harmed your own body through indulgence, and you’ve discovered that pleasure is a tyrannical master.
Possibly you’ve let things slide, hoping they would resolve on their own, only to see the delay harm you and those you love. The lesson is bitter: what you ignore today will return tomorrow, with a tax of consequences. Better to confront wrongs early, to correct gently, to guide others before they get lost. And if they refuse the lifeline, your duty is to step back without hatred, to protect your light, to keep moving forward.
It could be that you’ve ever thought of others as existing to serve you rather than to walk and work with you. But that illusion has broken trust and seeded assumptions that poisoned connection. What restores the bond is service, listening, and magnanimity- the willingness to love others as they are, not as you want them to be. That’s enough. What remains is to congratulate, to support, to listen, to be loving in friendship and patient in judgment.
You will fail again, but failure itself is a reminder that you’re not perfect, you’re not pure, and you’re not above anyone. You’re human, and so are they. That’s where compassion begins, toward them, and more importantly- toward yourself.
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P.P.S: Most people loved the series on How to Deepen Your Friendships, Part I, Part II & Part III. Also check out the practical entries on How To Deal With Toxic People, How to Process & Overcome Grief & How to Prevent and Overcome Burnout. Happy reading!
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Touché. I am printing this one to reflect on and to review quarterly to measure my progress in self improvement and compassion/empathy for others. Thank you for this insight and guidance.
Like a deserved slap across the face, this reflection hits you and stings.