I’m an introvert, and making friends or even making a good first impression has never come naturally to me. It’s easy to get caught up in your own head, wondering what to say, how you’re being perceived, and whether you’re making things awkward.
I like the reminder that genuine curiosity can take some of that pressure off. Instead of worrying so much about whether someone likes you, focus on actually getting to know them.
I’m still working on that one. But it’s a much better goal than trying to make sure everyone likes you.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Your point about how competence in itself can leave a lasting impression really stood out to me. It puts things into perspective that regardless of your personality traits, you can become so good at what you do that your work speaks for itself.
The part about the younger colleague, who starts to imagine what they could become, is where I recognised my own start. Every move as a young manager offered invaluable learning opportunities; I was a sponge, absorbing all I could. Faraday got that by standing near Davy, and your surgeon gave it to you the same way. I think of myself at twenty-three, learning from the teachers and peers I had at Procter & Gamble. Who would I have become without that experience? What happens to someone starting today? That last one is a real question for me. If the first years of a career are the part a machine now does, where does the next Faraday get to stand?
I loved reading this! And I funny enough, have a few openers I use with people when I want to just talk to someone straight up - I try to remain curious, asking questions & just being myself!
I really enjoyed this perspective, particularly your observation that fear of rejection draws our attention back to ourselves. It’s interesting how quickly the mind can turn a simple conversation into a judgment about our own worth, often before we’re even aware it’s happening.
Your point about genuine curiosity is especially valuable. When we shift our attention from how we’re being perceived to understanding the person in front of us, the entire experience changes.
For me, I think that every single encounter I have in life should be significant to me, because it adds something to me and to my life experience. Even if it's someone who I am absolutely sure is not ever going to be in front of me again (or on the phone or online or whatever means of contact we're talking about), it is still significant, because it is something arranged for me to experience, and therefore, shouldn't ever be assumed to be without worth. In fact, it works the other way, too. Every encounter we have includes others as well, and just as our lives are designed, so are theirs, and their experience with us is also significant in their life experiences. Since I believe in predestination, we may have little or no control over the comings and goings of others in our lives, but free will assumes that how we deal with these moments is up to us and therefore critical--a test of character, at the very least. So, I try very hard to think of how to be the best person I can be to each person I come across, whether its a customer service person at a business I am needing help with, or the handyman who comes to my apartment to fix a shelf in the pantry, someone trying to sell me something I do not want, or the lady who waits on me at the post office. If we are all Divinely-created, then everyone is significant and worthy of our best behavior. Maybe one of those folks is having troubles in their life and becoming very discouraged, but because of a positive encounter with us feels uplifted a bit and able to make it through another day? Of course, all this being said, I have not always been able to live up to this ideal. It's a goal. And, when I am able to do it, I feel unusually hopeful myself, and even if there is no positive response from the other person--or even if there's a negative response--I feel an increase in strength in my heart and mind, and the knowledge that I have done better helps me to continue striving to be even better. Sometimes there is an actual connection made which eventually becomes a relationship of some kind. But, I don't pursue that or consider that to be relevant, really. Because even if it doesn't--which is usually the case for me--I find that I am something more because of that interaction, and I believe those I encounter are, as well. :)
Serge : Kasper, nous sommes allés avec toi à l'hôpital, voir des soldats grièvement blessés. Ce sont des adultes. Et toi, tu étais assis près de leur lit à leur raconter des contes d'Aladin et d'Ali Baba. Comment dois-je comprendre cela ?
Kasper : Un conte n'a pas besoin de prouver qu'il est vrai. Un guerrier blessé a besoin d'avoir près de lui un père, une mère, et non un coach en pensée positive.
Serge : Mais l'Ordre professe l'éloignement de la compassion ?
Kasper : Ce n'est pas de la compassion. C'est de la fraternité. Les plaies d'un soldat ne se soignent pas par la compassion, mais par le sentiment que tu es malgré tout dans le rang.
English (Translation) :
Serge: Kasper, we went with you to the hospital to see severely wounded soldiers. They are grown adults. And yet, you sat by their beds telling them fairy tales about Aladdin and Ali Baba. How am I supposed to understand this?
Kasper: A fairy tale doesn’t need to prove it is true. A wounded warrior needs a father and a mother by his side, not a positive thinking coach.
Serge: But doesn't the Order preach detachment from compassion?
Kasper: This is not compassion. It is brotherhood. A soldier’s wounds are not healed by compassion, but by the feeling that you are still in the ranks.
I’m an introvert, and making friends or even making a good first impression has never come naturally to me. It’s easy to get caught up in your own head, wondering what to say, how you’re being perceived, and whether you’re making things awkward.
I like the reminder that genuine curiosity can take some of that pressure off. Instead of worrying so much about whether someone likes you, focus on actually getting to know them.
I’m still working on that one. But it’s a much better goal than trying to make sure everyone likes you.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Your point about how competence in itself can leave a lasting impression really stood out to me. It puts things into perspective that regardless of your personality traits, you can become so good at what you do that your work speaks for itself.
Being someone worth discovering.
Perfect
The part about the younger colleague, who starts to imagine what they could become, is where I recognised my own start. Every move as a young manager offered invaluable learning opportunities; I was a sponge, absorbing all I could. Faraday got that by standing near Davy, and your surgeon gave it to you the same way. I think of myself at twenty-three, learning from the teachers and peers I had at Procter & Gamble. Who would I have become without that experience? What happens to someone starting today? That last one is a real question for me. If the first years of a career are the part a machine now does, where does the next Faraday get to stand?
I loved reading this! And I funny enough, have a few openers I use with people when I want to just talk to someone straight up - I try to remain curious, asking questions & just being myself!
I really enjoyed this perspective, particularly your observation that fear of rejection draws our attention back to ourselves. It’s interesting how quickly the mind can turn a simple conversation into a judgment about our own worth, often before we’re even aware it’s happening.
Your point about genuine curiosity is especially valuable. When we shift our attention from how we’re being perceived to understanding the person in front of us, the entire experience changes.
For me, I think that every single encounter I have in life should be significant to me, because it adds something to me and to my life experience. Even if it's someone who I am absolutely sure is not ever going to be in front of me again (or on the phone or online or whatever means of contact we're talking about), it is still significant, because it is something arranged for me to experience, and therefore, shouldn't ever be assumed to be without worth. In fact, it works the other way, too. Every encounter we have includes others as well, and just as our lives are designed, so are theirs, and their experience with us is also significant in their life experiences. Since I believe in predestination, we may have little or no control over the comings and goings of others in our lives, but free will assumes that how we deal with these moments is up to us and therefore critical--a test of character, at the very least. So, I try very hard to think of how to be the best person I can be to each person I come across, whether its a customer service person at a business I am needing help with, or the handyman who comes to my apartment to fix a shelf in the pantry, someone trying to sell me something I do not want, or the lady who waits on me at the post office. If we are all Divinely-created, then everyone is significant and worthy of our best behavior. Maybe one of those folks is having troubles in their life and becoming very discouraged, but because of a positive encounter with us feels uplifted a bit and able to make it through another day? Of course, all this being said, I have not always been able to live up to this ideal. It's a goal. And, when I am able to do it, I feel unusually hopeful myself, and even if there is no positive response from the other person--or even if there's a negative response--I feel an increase in strength in my heart and mind, and the knowledge that I have done better helps me to continue striving to be even better. Sometimes there is an actual connection made which eventually becomes a relationship of some kind. But, I don't pursue that or consider that to be relevant, really. Because even if it doesn't--which is usually the case for me--I find that I am something more because of that interaction, and I believe those I encounter are, as well. :)
Français (Original) :
Serge : Kasper, nous sommes allés avec toi à l'hôpital, voir des soldats grièvement blessés. Ce sont des adultes. Et toi, tu étais assis près de leur lit à leur raconter des contes d'Aladin et d'Ali Baba. Comment dois-je comprendre cela ?
Kasper : Un conte n'a pas besoin de prouver qu'il est vrai. Un guerrier blessé a besoin d'avoir près de lui un père, une mère, et non un coach en pensée positive.
Serge : Mais l'Ordre professe l'éloignement de la compassion ?
Kasper : Ce n'est pas de la compassion. C'est de la fraternité. Les plaies d'un soldat ne se soignent pas par la compassion, mais par le sentiment que tu es malgré tout dans le rang.
English (Translation) :
Serge: Kasper, we went with you to the hospital to see severely wounded soldiers. They are grown adults. And yet, you sat by their beds telling them fairy tales about Aladdin and Ali Baba. How am I supposed to understand this?
Kasper: A fairy tale doesn’t need to prove it is true. A wounded warrior needs a father and a mother by his side, not a positive thinking coach.
Serge: But doesn't the Order preach detachment from compassion?
Kasper: This is not compassion. It is brotherhood. A soldier’s wounds are not healed by compassion, but by the feeling that you are still in the ranks.