How to Deepen Your Friendships Part I
Turn casual connections into strong friendships.
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“Ponder for a long time whether you shall admit a given person to your friendship; but when you have decided to admit him, welcome him with all your heart and soul. Speak as boldly with him as with yourself… Regard him as loyal and you will make him loyal.” — Seneca
“He who regards himself only, and enters upon friendships for this reason, reckons wrongly. The end will be like the beginning: he has made friends with one who might assist him out of bondage; at the first rattle of the chain such a friend will desert him. These are the so-called “fair-weather” friendships; one who is chosen for the sake of utility will be satisfactory only so long as he is useful…He who begins to be your friend because it pays will also cease because it pays.” — Seneca
There were days when my phone didn’t buzz once unless it was a food app alert or a work reminder. I’d leave the office and walk home past crowded restaurant patios, watching groups of friends lean in close, laughing in that easy, unthinking way that comes from years of knowing each other. I didn’t have that. I’d tried - dropped hints about meeting up, hanged around after work hoping for an invite - but nothing stuck. It wasn’t just being alone that sucked; I felt like everyone else was good at friendship except me.
When I did get invited somewhere - a coworker’s birthday, a neighbor’s barbecue - I carried the weight of that loneliness with me. I’d stand at the edges of the crowd, drink in hand, unsure where to step in. My small talk ran dry in seconds. People smiled politely before turning back to the friends they actually knew. I left those nights with the same hollow feeling I arrived with, only now paired with the sting of having tried and failed to fit in.
At some point, I stopped waiting for connection to happen on its own. I started looking closely at the people who seemed to build great friendships naturally, paying attention to what they did differently - how they stayed in touch, carved out time, created moments that pulled people closer. Bit by bit, I began piecing together a set of actions that made forming deeper friendships less a matter of luck and more a matter of choice. This guide will share those steps so you can turn casual connections into strong friendships and keep the ones who matter most, closer.
1. Understand Deep Friendships
Friendships exist on a range from…
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