XXXXVI. The Cure to Imposter Syndrome
Be disrespectful.
Today’s entry is a follow-up to my short essays on the Stoic key to fun and authenticity and how to own your insecurities.
“What disturbs men’s minds is not events but their judgments on events.” — Epictetus
The following Aesop’s fable is known as The Fox and the Mask. It goes like this:
A fox happened to find a mask used for performing tragedies and,
after turning it this way and that several times, she remarked,
'So full of beauty, so lacking in brains!'
Do you feel like you don't belong in some spaces?
When you make a mistake, do you sometimes question the merit of what you do henceforth?
Or, after years of being the underdog, do you feel like you don't deserve a position or some success — even after you’ve earned it?
Me too...Me too.
We might have the skill, the swagger, and be better than most people in various aspects by far, but still think we suck and don't deserve to be anywhere near what we like to do.
There are several triggers to imposter syndrome.
Being in a new work culture, where everyone seems flawlessly integrated, can provoke this negative self-image.
The joy of a healthy relationship can be threatening to someone used to chaos. If there is no gaslighting and cheating, we’re not loved.
Learning a craft easily makes us think we don’t deserve the results as much as those who struggle.
People's high expectations, the rigorous standards of practice in our profession, and the acute awareness of our shortfalls makes us disqualify ourselves before we even get the chance to try anything.
It’s how, after being fed up feeling inadequate, some people sabotage a great job, good relationships, their talent.
But the truth is that we're yet to embrace the learning curve when we cast ourselves in anything new.
That, just like we can't start driving a car in the highest gear — we have to build up the momentum for it, we can't expect to be good at something or integrate into a new culture at once.
We'll be prudent to be patient and extend ourselves some grace for the countless and even fatal mistakes we'll make.
We'll then be the friends we never had when we stick by ourselves even after our supervisors and colleagues give us a stern look or criticize us.
We'll be comfortable being thought of as fools.
For in the end, I believe we'll shock people with how fast we're learning, how good and valuable we now are.
We must also understand that everyone struggles with insecurities as we do.
Sometimes more.
Beneath it all they're just humans doing their best.
They've gotten good at hiding behind a mask as great performances need perfection and Sprezzatura to seem greater than they are to influence us.
People edit what they say to seem stronger or more secure than they are all the time.
They fart, embarrass themselves with weird jokes, feel shame, doubt themselves, suffer from anxiety, live with a bit of melancholy, have weird kinks and thoughts, carry family secrets, and cry about trivialities.
Imagine and laugh at them hopelessly rushing to the toilet with diarrhea after food poisoning.
Everyone is toying with appearances and we can join in the fun.
For we all share the unsavory and revolting aspects of nature.
In fact, if they fully revealed themselves to us, we’d realize that we’re angels, we’re doing exceptionally well at working with our nature.
“No man is a hero to his valet.” — Montaigne
It's therefore wise to forget ourselves — our inadequacies on purpose, and have a bit of disrespect for anyone we feel deficient around and free our spirits to be who we are.
I don't mean we should be out there berating and offending people.
We can give them the credit they deserve and stop it at that.
To see them as gods? Never.
We can learn from them while being confident we can make the same if not more strides at the trade we're in.
We can break down the people whose greatness makes us feel woefully inadequate so we're a bit comfortable working at our own pace, express ourselves without fear, and share witty jokes.
The voice of Steve Jobs resounds as I write this entry.
He said,
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