Why Some Couples Last and Some Don't
What it all comes down to.
A quick update before we begin- I’m in the final stages of editing The Stoic Manual: Meditations on the Art of Living, a collection of 150 Stoic meditations on living well. It’ll be released soon and included free for all Annual and Lifetime members.
Welcome! Why do some couples survive deep differences while others break over seemingly small things? Through history and Stoic philosophy, this piece explores what keeps love alive, what slowly weakens it, and why being understood may matter more than agreement. Prior editions on this Relationship Series include- Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person, When Does an Affair Begin? & Three Questions to Ask Before You Leave or Stay in a Relationship. Let’s get into today’s lesson.
Why Some Couples Last and Some Don’t
“The experiences of friendship are varied and complex, and they afford many causes for suspicion and offence, which it is wise sometimes to ignore, sometimes to make light of, and sometimes to endure. But there is one cause of offence which must be encountered in order that both the usefulness and loyalty of friendship may be preserved; for friends frequently must be not only advised, but also rebuked, and both advice and rebuke should be kindly received when given in a spirit of goodwill.” - Cicero, On Friendship, 88
In April 1866, Jane Welsh Carlyle died suddenly in London while her husband, Thomas, was away in Scotland. They had been married for almost forty years. Their life together had included burning affection, illness, money worries, jealousy, literary ambition, long arguments, and the strain of living with a writer.
Jane had spent much of the marriage writing letters to friends. She was funny, observant, and honest about what life with Thomas could be like. He was famous, demanding, often ill-tempered, and able to become so absorbed in his books that everyone else’s needs began to feel like interruptions.
Unfortunately, many of those notes to her friends carry a sad discovery- she had been telling people how…