Welcome, dear ! We come to Stoicism hoping to use our time well, become powerful, get happy and flourish on all aspects. Yet it’s easy to become so protective of our routines that the people we love get little to nothing of what survives. I’ve made that mistake, and some of what I missed was harder to recover than the work I was afraid of falling behind on. We’ll look at how to remedy that today. If you missed the last edition on What I Had to Stop Believing About Myself Before Anything Changed, you can catch up right here.
I graduated from medical school knowing I couldn’t go back and give those years a fuller social life. Most of my time had been confined to business and my studies, and although I’d committed myself to the future I wanted, I wished I’d spent more of it with people.
At the same time, I was grateful to myself. Based on my circumstances, I had needed to get the most out of those years, and the results became evident later- a smoother transition into working life, some success, and something to account for the days I’d spent with my head down. Some of my classmates had a blast. They did cool things, made memories, and gained something useful from their experiences. Others struggled with the consequences of giving too little thought to their future- there was pain and regret abundant at either extreme.
Still, I could have done a better job of connecting with people. My life didn’t need to become an all-or-nothing scenario. People admired my discipline, and I let that admiration feed the belief that I was superior to them. That brought friction and a condescending air into relationships I should have approached with more tolerance.
I had good reasons to work hard. But some of the distance I put between myself and others was unnecessary.
Eventually, they stop inviting you
It’s easy to understand how this happens. You have to protect your...