What People Think of You
Learn to co-exist with contradictory and uncomfortable thoughts and emotions.
“I'll wager that you would say that you have never seen me complaining or disheartened because of my banishment, for if I have been deprived of my country, I have not been deprived of my ability to endure exile.” — Musonius Rufus
"Don't waste the rest of your time here worrying about other people, unless it affects the common good. It will keep you from doing anything useful. You'll be too preoccupied with what so and so is doing, and why, and what they're saying, and what they're thinking, and what they're up to, and all the other things that throw you off and keep you from focusing on your own mind." — Marcus Aurelius
"I laugh at those who think they can damage me. They do not know who I am, they do not know what I think, they cannot even touch the things which are really mine and with which I live." — Epictetus
It can be hard to let go of wild guesses of what people think of us. Even more pressing is their opinion of who we are. It therefore happens that we’re often attacked by thoughts such as these:
- “Do people think I’m smart, cool, pretty, ugly, stupid?”
- “What is my ex doing…have they moved on? Are they miserable after parting ways?”
- “Is my colleague happy with my work or is he being nice as it’s politically correct to do so?”
Wisdom is knowing you’ll ruin your day by following those negative rabbit holes if you don't value life itself at this moment, abundant with peace, freedom and happiness.
If you don’t say no to being pulled in by thoughts pregnant with the seductive allure of satisfying your curiosity but with nothing to show for in return for time and mental energy spent.
If you don’t caution yourself, as Marcus Aurelius would, that, "you cannot lose another life than the one you're living now, or live another one than the one you're losing."
Your power to decide what to pay attention to has more impact on the joy of your lived experience than you realize. It’s wise to hone it.
You do this by consciously choosing to live rather than exist in your mind.
You command it. It doesn’t control you — it merely throws you suggestions you can ignore, co-exist with, or choose another beneficial course of action from.
It’s to your advantage to exercise this authority as much as possible.
You can’t keep postponing your well-being by choosing to follow a half-baked guess of what other people think of you. It neither brings you closer to happiness nor benefits your relationships.
And even if it’s real, it’s wise to be deliberately ignorant of what people think of you — unless it’s accurate.
You can tell yourself that what they say is none of your business
You have better things to do.
Or you can choose to only listen to those whose opinion you trust and respect because they know you well and would want you to improve.
For you to take back this power, you’ll do good to winnow your thoughts and invest your attention to those that matter most.
And the first step is to…