This is How You Overcome Resentment
Free yourself. Flow in your natural rhythms.
"Nothing will happen to me which is not conformable to the nature of the universe." —Marcus Aurelius
"That whatever happens has always happened, and always will, and is happening at this very moment, everywhere. Just like this...What links one human being to all humans: not blood or birth, but mind." — Marcus Aurelius
Because you express love, kindness and good intentions toward others doesn't mean they'll have the same for you. Because you work hard it doesn't mean you'll win and enjoy happiness, riches, and respect of the world. And because you went to a good school, and were an exceptional student, doesn't mean you'll get a well-paying job and live lavish.
In fact, you'll find the people who you think don't deserve riches and good opportunities sit on the thrones you admire and drive the cars you only dream of.
You can get cynical about this fact, wondering how the fuck God works. And it's understandable to feel this way.
But over time, you'll come to realize that being good doesn't mean you're automatically entitled to get good things. The prudent aim is to do your best to be good without any other expectation other than the fact that it increases your surface area of luck.
The highest wisdom is to do what you do for its sake because it's cool, you care about it, it’s who you are and it secures your peace and happiness.
This doesn’t mean you ignore feedback when what you’re investing in isn’t working. You’re ambitious. You have healthy self-esteem. And the confidence to move on because you know with your attitude, efforts and character you can get what you want someplace else. In this way, you distinguish yourself from the nice man who does good in hopes of warding off danger, as he lacks fangs.
Still, some people struggle with anger, envy and resentment when they aim to be good in an indifferent universe — for they lack wisdom. This dark energy sometimes becomes the start of their villain story. And their downfall.
But here’s how to overcome it all and elevate…
Confide in Reality
Reality is your friend. Knowing life could be worse provides some relief.
Also, you're not as important as you think. You're not a unique snowflake.
It’s normal to feel disappointed having expended a lot of effort on a project or people, then seeing your efforts fail. But the mere fact that you can try something makes you better than the dead and disabled. Or those without the attitude, energy, time and resources to try these life experiments.
It also helps to think of yourself as a small part of the cosmos as it’s indifferent to your feelings, complaints, and requests. As soon as you die, an infinity of other strong and better-abled humans will replace you.
However, you’re still integral, nature has a high purpose for you. Service to other humans, as it fits your capabilities, is your primary function. And, fate permitting, when you do good to other humans, you gain abundant recompense in happiness and material goods to take care of yourself and your loved ones.
Focus on Your Agency
It's inevitable some sad and overwhelming emotions may arise from failure, especially when you look at others living a better life despite starting out on equal ground. But following the seductive allure of this negativity only makes things worse.
People who pity themselves, stew in anger, and play the victim lose twice: they fail to reach their goal and fail to stand up for themselves with strength and confidence having been defeated in spirit.
The interesting thing with life is that even if it hurts and you're depressed, not wanting to do any more of what your goal involves, you have to keep doing your best as that's the only path giving you the best chance at making it to where you want to go. Or have what you want. The quicker you overcome the anxiety, bitterness, self-pity, rage, regret, self-righteousness, and paranoia the faster you’ll get back on track.
Voluntary actions are all that matter, the ones you choose to do because you reckon they’re prudent and valuable. Not the ideas a needy emotional state might give you.
It, therefore, helps to put things into perspective through the wisdom that virtue is the highest good: admirable and enough for your well-being, and reflecting on the courage, determination and wisdom you practiced in the process of pursuing what you wanted, can invite the happiness that’s lacking in the moment.
Find pride in acknowledging that rationality was the only thing within our control and you excelled at it.
You'll inevitably have to restrategize along the way to increase your effectiveness and chances of success, but you can't stop fighting. Wisdom, discipline, and courage are all you own and came with in this world and it’s good to keep counting on them because they'll help you build the cool stuff and lifestyle you envision.
It’s just a matter of time.
Keep helping those in need of your skills. Find a way to be a good man even in the subtlest of ways. Have zero tolerance for any selfish thoughts and indulgences.
Exist for others.
Be Assertive
“I don’t know quite what we’re doing on this insignificant cinder spinning away in a dark corner of the universe. That is a secret which the high gods have not confided in me. Yet one thing I believe and I believe it with every fibre of my being. A man must live by his lights and do what little he can and do it as best he can. In this world goodness is destined to be defeated. But a man must go down fighting. That is victory. To do anything less is to be less than a man.” — Walker Percy
Some people mistake the acceptance of life events, however demeaning, unfair and cruel they may be, with passivity. But this objectivity only helps you see things as they are right now so you can make the best move going forward. You still have to fight for what’s good.
Strategy, deception, and waging war are other traits within your control and you can express them at will to get to your desired goal or effect. This move is better than allowing anger and resentment to drive your offence, you attack from a high moral ground, a clear mind — with the pure spirit of confidence, justice, and goodwill.
Bonus: On Ascension and People Doubting You
"To stop talking about what the good man is like, and just be one." — Marcus Aurelius
When one learns of what can make them a respectable and valued man, probably triggered by the disappointment of living a lesser than ideal life, the initial reflex is to preach about the lifestyle.
It’s what Epictetus cautioned his students against: from spewing "undigested thoughts." For when you spend time and energy extracting other people's approval by overtly displaying how you think to prove you’re better, you lose focus on the work that truly matters…actions — actually improving.
Yet, by imposing your obnoxiousness on others, you miss out on building a relationship with and learning from them.
You’d do well to know it's good to be doubted. To feel people don't pay you attention, don't listen to you, don’t respect you enough. And having given up on ever getting their approval, you can cultivate enough self-sufficiency to be bold enough to work on what you desire, take risks, and do what you want at your own pace.
Free yourself. Flow in your natural rhythms.
When you reach a certain level of proficiency, you can then enjoy the surprise on their faces, but this time, having learned to do without their approval, it won't matter that much. It all becomes extra, perhaps a tool to market yourself and your work. For you only desire living up to your expectations and standards and the satisfaction the quality of your work gives you. So…
Don't say you're the leader, act like it.
Don't say you're a Stoic, act like it.
Don't say you're a good man, act like it.
Don’t say you’ll be successful, act like it.
Act like it and consider any praise you get indifferent to your well-being.