The Freedom of Looking Foolish

If you want to be happy.

Yukiko Noritake, Paris

“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 12.4

Be willing to look foolish if you want to improve.

That’s what Epictetus told anyone serious about practicing Stoicism- because the philosophy requires living outside your comfort zone, being active in the real world and acting a bit contrary to what most normal people do.

You’ll have to be comfortable to risk looking awkward, strange, ignorant, overeager or desperate if you want to become braver, happier, more independent, wiser and less weighed by other people’s thoughts and opinions. The embarrassment is part of the training. The alternative is to be restless, disturbed, sad, with regrets of living a smaller than ideal life.

For example, many people fail to introduce themselves in social gatherings because they might seem awkward. They don’t negotiate because someone might say no. You hide your opinion because it would be at odds with people in the room. You keep investing in relationships, jobs, friendships and routines that don’t nourish you because changing will need uncomfortable conversations and some hard work.

Eventually, no one needs to control you. Or neuter your impulses, interests and aspirations. You do it yourself.

The ancient Stoics were deliberate about philosophy as a practice, as Musonius Rufus advocated. Cato became famous for caring little about appearing unusual or speaking his mind when the norm was submission to authority. The point was that- another person’s opinion shouldn’t have much authority to decide what you do with your life. Remember it’s your first and last time here.

That’s why today I want you to take five minutes and write down three things you want but are avoiding because of embarrassment, rejection, or disapproval.

Perhaps you want to ask for a raise. Or invite someone you like out. Tell a friend they crossed a boundary. Apply for an opportunity that feels out of depth. Publish your work or start creating content. Attend a concert a lone. End a relationship. Ask for help and risk looking like an imposter. Introduce yourself to someone you admire. Anything.

Now rank the three from most uncomfortable but with the highest reward to the least uncomfortable.

Attack the first one today.

But before you do, note down your most feared outcome. They’ll laugh at me. They’ll fire me for boldness. I’ll look dumb. I’ll fail.

Then act without trying to control their reaction. That’s on them.

Afterward, ask yourself-

What happened (be objective)?

What did the discomfort cost me in reality?

What opportunity would I have lost if fear had influenced my decision?

The key is to create an automatic algorithm that your mind runs whenever you want something from the outside world with significant upside but are finding a lot of internal resistance in reaching for it.

Repeat this procedure with the second action within three days and the third before the week ends.

This is how social courage becomes practical. You collect evidence that awkwardness passes, rejection is survivable, difficult conversations can be handled amicably, and many of the opportunities you want require you to just tolerate a few uncomfortable minutes.

Over time, this will change your life. You’ll begin asking for more from life. You’ll leave bad situations sooner. You’ll make friends more easily. You’ll negotiate better. You’ll become more honest in relationships. You’ll pursue opportunities before you feel ready. You’ll spend less of your life waiting for things to come to you and get after it.

That’s part of what we’ll practice inside our private community The Stoa.

I’m building it for serious readers- new and experienced- who want to practice and integrate Stoicism as a way of life through weekly challenges, exercises, real-life dilemmas, accountability and rich philosophical discourse that traverses all areas of life. This will be a year long program that only requires little of your time in a day, as you’ll spend most of your day living by the principles.

Life-Maxxing will include structured experiences to cultivate more beauty, joy, courage, social range, curiosity, and a fuller life through deliberate action in the real world. For philosophy should never be like a boring class. It’s a way of life we should enjoy by embodying a bit more courage and open-mindedness.

We launch this Friday, 18th September. People on the waitlist will be invited first and receive a special launch discount.

If you want to join the waitlist, reply to this e-mail with the word STOIC and I’ll add you.

^{Ignore if you already did.}

With love,

Antonius Veritas, M.D