Stop Fighting Yourself

Seek not for events to happen as you wish.

We just passed 137,000 readers in this community, and I want to start by saying thank you. Every single one of us is here for the same reason- to master the practical art of living well. With that shared mission in mind, I want to share a project I’ve been working on.

The most famous book in Stoic history, Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations, was never meant to be published. It was an emperor’s private journal written in a military tent to keep his mind from crumbling under the weight of an empire.

For the past year, I’ve had to write my own. My battlefield is medicine. Every day, I face human beings at their worst- frightened, dying, and mischievous. The clinical chaos is crazy, and to keep myself sane, I began writing a pithy list of personal maxims to comport myself. They’ve been my saving grace.

While I initially intended to keep these notes to myself, having them collect dust on my desk drawer feels like a disservice. If they could hold me through the worst days in the clinic, they can help you too. I’ll be publishing them under the title The Stoic Manual: Meditations on the Art of Living, as a collection of 150 battle-tested maxims written for anyone- beginner or expert- to use when life gets chaotic.

Here’s the proposed cover page,

Screenshot

This special book will go to Annual & Lifetime members only. And you can secure a copy when I launch, plus all other bonuses, by upgrading your subscription below,

^{I’ll send it to you on launch if you’re already an Annual/Lifetime subscriber.}

That said, here’s today’s mini-essay,

---

Stop Fighting Yourself

Giuseppe Mentessi (Italian, 1857-1931) Peace, 1907 Museo dell’Ottocento

“(But what are you doing here, perceptions? Get back to where you came from, and good riddance. I don’t need you. Yes, I know, it was only force of habit that brought you. No, I’m not angry with you. Just go away.)” — Marcus Aurelius

I know you’d rather not think about it. You’d rather not remember how inadequate your boss made you feel the time you made a mistake, or how crushed you felt when your ex betrayed you. You’d rather ignore your shortcomings entirely- the low bank account, the physical insecurities, or the shyness that creeps in at the worst moments.

But fighting dark thoughts, doubts, and anxieties is a losing battle. You cannot wage war against your own mind and expect to win. You have to learn to be a friend to yourself in sickness and in health on the alter of your becoming.

Embracing whatever pops up in your head is far more effective and wiser- you pay attention to your demons without giving in to them so you can do something about your life situation. When Marcus Aurelius tells his perceptions to ‘go away,’ he’s neither panicking nor suppressing them. He’s simply refusing to feed them; he lets them make themselves at home, and bids them to leave at their behest. No attachments. To do that, you must surrender your need for control. Your ego. You submit to nature, to what is, to finally gain power over yourself. It’s a counterintuitive idea. Scary, in fact. But fighting negativity only gives it more power. It makes it larger than it’s supposed to be. Let it all happen as it wants. As Epictetus implores us- “Seek not for events to happen as you wish but rather wish for events to happen as they do and your life will go smoothly.”

Cringe. Feel like a fraud. Feel the embarrassment. Miss them. You’ll survive.

Thoughts aren’t the enemy. They pop up in your mind haphazardly, and you can’t control that happening. What do you do then? You embody the role of the king, where nothing- big or small- disturbs you. You put a high price on your emotions and energy. You ground yourself in your consciousness, where you watch all these thoughts and emotions without reacting to them. Without dirtying yourself in their murk.

That’s how you overcome the nasty force of habit threatening to ruin your day.

---

Today’s task:

Be aware of uncomfortable thoughts and emotions without trying to suppress or avoid them. Watch them pass, like a car from a distance, without judgment.

---