Social Skills VI. Avoid These Body Language Mistakes I
We'll learn about eye contact, resting facial expressions, how to tune your voice (volume, tone & delivery), overall expressiveness, posture, use of personal space, touch, plus grooming & style.
Welcome! The Le Monde Élégant section is a companion to The Stoic Manual to help you master people skills: the art of effortless connection, making friends, seducing lovers, swaying hearts and minds with grace, and cultivating an aura of undeniable allure with the timeless secrets of refined society, for a distinguished life. Complement this with the ‘Neuroscience-based Tools’ & ‘Lead to Win’ sections — by Dr. Antonius Veritas.
"False friendship is the worst. Avoid it at all costs." — Marcus Aurelius
A few years ago on this day my friend committed suicide. Towards his death, he often carried a blank, distracted, withdrawn air but he always said he was ok, just a bit tired. I understood. Medical school has that effect on people.
Looking back, he smiled — yes — but it was forced, the outer corners of his eyes didn’t form the crinkled crow’s feet. It wasn’t a Duchenne smile. I often regret that I was too unaware to notice the signs of depression, frustration or discomfort in him and probably intervene as best as I could. I always wish I knew about body language back then, because, as I later discovered, however much one tries to hide their expressions or furnish their words, there are always those micro-expressions that betray their internal state. Or perhaps he might have wanted to open up but I pushed him away with my indifferent body language, tone and naturally angry & dismissive facial expression.
He might have been alive.
That’s the theme of today’s entry. The lessons that follow in the essay below may not carry as much importance as saving one’s life, but you can use them to build relationships, deepen bonds by analyzing people’s moods and gauging what they like or dislike, pass interviews, recognize the people uninterested in you and move on quicker, or catch those envious of you and adjust yourself around them before they ruin you. For example,
“The German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer (1788–1860) devised a quick way to elicit these looks and test for envy. Tell suspected enviers some good news about yourself—a promotion, a new and exciting love interest, a book contract. You will notice a very quick expression of disappointment. Their tone of voice as they congratulate you will betray some tension and strain. Equally, tell them some misfortune of yours and notice the uncontrollable microexpression of joy in your pain, what is commonly known as schadenfreude. Their eyes light up for a fleeting second. People who are envious cannot help feeling some glee when they hear of the bad luck of those they envy.” — Robert Greene
This is part 1 of a 2-part series on body language. The lessons are about how to avoid body language mistakes and polish your presentation in social situations and also how to decode them in others.
I. Eye Contact
People rely on eye contact to decide if you're…
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