Remember What You Control
The things within our power are naturally at our disposal, free from any restraint or hindrance.
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When things start to drag in my life, whether it’s with my writing, in business, in my relationships, or at the hospital, I find it useful, even therapeutic, to get back to the basics, back to the first principles- breaking things down, learning them all over again, then applying them.
It sucks, when something isn’t going well, to tell myself that I need to go back to the fundamentals, it feels like a step backwards and it sometimes hurts my pride. But then I remember the art of living is a practice. You can’t learn what you think you already know. Even Marcus Aurelius was attending philosophy classes in his old age. And to my delight, I find that doing this puts me back in the harmonious flow of life, things usually break out of the rut and get even better than they were before. Much, much better.
And it’s in this spirit that I want to share the cardinal rule of Stoic Philosophy as stated by Epictetus, to remind myself, and hoping you too- in case you had forgotten, that,
“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and can’t control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible.
Within our control are our own opinions, aspirations, desires, and the things that repel us. These areas are quite rightly our concern, because they are directly subject to our influence. We always have a choice about the contents and character of our inner lives.
Outside our control, however, are such things as what kind of body we have, whether we’re born into wealth or strike it rich, how we are regarded by others, and our status in society. We must remember that those things are externals and are therefore not our concern. Trying to control or to change what we can’t only results in torment.
Remember: The things within our power are naturally at our disposal, free from any restraint or hindrance; but those things outside our power are weak, dependent, or determined by the whims and actions of others. “Remember, too, that if you think that you have free rein over things that are naturally beyond your control, or if you attempt to adopt the affairs of others as your own, your pursuits will be thwarted and you will become a frustrated, anxious, and fault-finding person.”
—Epictetus
To add to this. There are things partially within your control, like getting a loving spouse, starting a business, getting a promotion, or even being fit. And for pursuits such as those, remember what you control is your effort, your intentions, your skills, your knowledge and anything else you can learn and practice of your own accord and to the best of your ability, regardless of the result- outcome independence.
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I am amazed by people wanting to make my business theirs! I am allowed to have a private life. I am allowed to love who I want. But some people insist on inserting themselves and try to tell me what they think. Of course their opinions are based off their feelings and experience, not necessarily the reality. I am so thankful for your posts because they are helping me create boundaries. Let THEM be lonely and unhappy in their own spaces! Keep it out of mine!
I really enjoyed reading this. I believe that it is incredibly necessary for us to harness the power we have and try our best to make the right choices. We owe it to ourselves to work hard to become all that we want to be. For each of us has a role in this life that no one else can take on. We owe it to the world.