LXXXIV. How Not to Live
Never always about business.
“Even though you seize the day, it still will flee; therefore, you must vie with time’s swiftness in the speed of using it, and, as from a torrent that rushes by and will not always flow, you must drink quickly.” — Seneca
I know that life can sometimes appear bleak, hectic, monotonous. We have people depending on us to care for them, betrayals to weather, deadlines to meet, chores we hate but still have to do. But what about us? When do we get time for ourselves — to live, be, breathe, enjoy? Are we meant to work ourselves to death and just “persist and resist,” as Epictetus has rightly taught us? What does the Stoic think of beauty, of poetry, of fun, of dad jokes, of all but the rational?
Well, I want you to know there’s joy in the ordinary moments, the social opportunities available to us, the melding of elements in nature. These instances help us find hope, perspective and gain an openness that trickles down other areas of our lives for richness and depth. They bring liveliness, freshness and spontaneity to the problems we’re solving daily. It’s good to allow ourselves unbridled indulgence in these simple pleasures as often as we can. For, as Marcus Aurelius wrote, we can’t lose or live any other life other the one we’re living.
That’s why I want you to do this.
Romanticize your life. Look forward to your favorite artist dropping new music. Devour its artistic intricacies. Let the chorus throb through your cranium like a headache — while you cook, clean, lie shirtless on the floor doing nothing. Blast it through your speakers until the neighbors complain. Dance, alone, shirt half-tucked, barefoot, like no one’s watching and you’ve never cared whether they were. And when you're in a crowd, let your limbs nimble to the limbo. Be the fool, the party, the one who reminds others how to be free. Make it impossible not to stare and remember.
Smile at your lover. Tease her. Flirt with reckless abandon. Say things that make her giggle and roll her eyes, then do them again just to see her blush. Miss her like a boob when she’s not around. Write her letters expressing the euphony she makes you feel. Let yourself ache a little—eager to see her. Let love make you feel ridiculous, alive. Let your soul remember what it’s like to feel wanted.
Put on the pants you save for special occasions, your best-fitting silk shirt—tuck it in like you mean business. Apply the alcohol-free aftershave on your face. Mist yourself in that intoxicating, delicious niche cologne that turns heads. Then grab your friends. Step out. Hit the club. Hit the streets. Hit the rooftop. Laugh loud. Drink slow. Watch the stars blink into place and remember how small we all are—how free that makes us.
Book a table. Or don’t. Go for a buffet. Don’t nibble. Feast. Take what you crave—no substitutions, no holding back. Tear into roast meat slathered in butter, grab the warm, soft fluffy naan, pile on muesli into a mountain. Eat like you’ve never known shame. Eat until you sigh. Leave nothing behind but crumbs, gratitude and a dirty grin.
Wake before dawn because life’s too short to sleep through your own becoming. Because life’s too electric. Go for that long walk. Watch the beautiful sunrise. Breathe in the crisp morning air that still belongs to the trees. Feel that dopamine rush. Stretch, move, sweat. Swim. Be intentional with your to-do list. Don’t miss out on creating and witnessing the best parts of your life.
Run down the beach. Pierce through the windy resistance like a fighter jet, feel your legs slow down in fatigue, your breath taste course and bloody. Collapse into the white-hot sand. Stand up. Fight the ocean tide when it rises to knock you down. Play with it. Let it baptize you.
Catch the new movie. Let yourself be seduced by the plot, the soundtrack, the scent of overpriced popcorn.
Scroll TikTok and laugh, really laugh, at the absurdity of cats, people, life. Send some funny videos to your friends.
Meet new humans. The weird ones. The beautiful ones. The kind ones. The ones who say what they really mean. Notice how their eyes light up when they realize you see them. Lean into the moment when the conversation stops feeling polite and starts feeling real. That’s the good part. Stay for that. Live for that.
Let all this sink in. Let it lighten the weight you’ve been carrying. Let it remind you that joy still lives, that beauty still exists, that life—your life—is still worth every second of endurance and it’s not all about endurance. Lust for every damn minute you’ve got left.
“Life is long if you know how to use it.” — Seneca
Previously, Your Life is a Game
I’d love to read your thoughts on this matter. What do you like to do or experience so that your life has meaning and joy?
I always enjoy hearing from you, and for you to hear from each other.
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Bonus
I asked you to submit your favorite pictures and paintings on Tuesday in our chat. Here’s a curation. Enjoy!
“What good is all this profligate abundance of suns, planets, moons, stars, Milky Ways, comets, nebula, worlds in the process of becoming and which have come to be, if, when all is said and done, one happy man does not rejoice, unconsciously, in his own existence?” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Sent by Anna
What’s your favorite?
I really appreciated the sentiment and inspiration behind this post—it was exactly what I needed to read today. Your descriptions of savoring food and embracing life’s simple joys were especially vivid and moving. One small piece of feedback: most of the examples you gave came from a distinctly male perspective and lived experience. I found myself momentarily pulled out of the message when I read lines like adoring a female lover or putting on alcohol-free aftershave. It might be worth considering how to frame these moments in a way that feels more inclusive, especially since many of your readers, like myself, are female and really value your insights. Just a gentle thought—your voice resonates with so many, and making space for different perspectives and different readers could make it even more powerful. Thanks again for sharing this; I needed this reminder and inspiration!
This is an absolute wonderful, insightful and inspiring piece. I could read this over and over. I have learned so much from your posts, by the way. Thank you for being you!