Lead to Win IX. How to Deliver Praise & Criticism for Effective Leadership
This essay will show you how to deliver praise and criticism to your people to shape peak performance and high morale — without resentment or complacency manifesting.
The ‘Lead to Win’ section is a companion for The Stoic Manual to equip you with the best strategies and tactics to succeed at leading in your workplace, parenting, relationships, and business—by Dr. Antonius Veritas. Complement this with the ‘Neuroscience-based Tools’ and the Le Monde Élégant social skills section.
too cold to nurture
"Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful than the injury that provokes it."— Seneca
The first time Michael saw the cracks in his team, it was already too late.
It was supposed to be a simple project review. He walked into the conference room, coffee in hand, expecting updates, maybe some minor setbacks. Instead, he walked into a battlefield.
Eyes avoided his. The air was thick with something unspoken, something rancid, like old sweat and cold coffee. No one volunteered to speak first. That’s when he knew—things weren’t just off. They were broken.
He set his cup down too hard. “Alright,” he said, his voice slicing through the silence. “Talk to me.”
Silence.
His pulse tightened. He glanced at the numbers projected on the screen—progress was abysmal. Weeks behind schedule. Cost overruns. The kind of performance that gets heads rolling. A dull pressure built at the base of his skull.
He had trusted these people. He had given them clear directives, laid out every expectation. He didn’t micromanage, didn’t babysit. They were professionals. They knew the stakes. And yet—here they were.
The frustration boiled over. “This isn’t just bad,” he said, voice sharp as glass. “This is embarrassing. We had a plan. We had a timeline. So what the fuck happened?”
A few exchanged glances. Someone swallowed hard. But no one answered.
That was when he felt it. The shift.
He had walked in expecting accountability. Instead, he had walked into defeat. The energy in the room wasn’t defensive, it wasn’t combative—it was absent. They weren’t pushing back because they agreed with him. Because they’d already given up.
That evening, the realization hit like ice water down his spine. His stomach twisted. He had driven them here. Not through failure—but through fear.
perils of excess praise
"It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows."— Epictetus
He tried to fix it. He tried to undo it.
Over the next few weeks, he gathered his team and did the opposite of what he had done before. He went from relentless to reassuring. From demanding to liberal. He praised their efforts, encouraged every small win. Instead of pushing harder, he pulled back.
It worked—at first. The tension eased. People smiled again, started opening up. He saw relief in their faces. Finally, he thought. We’re turning this around.
Then deadlines started slipping.
First, it was small things. A report a day late. A meeting rescheduled. Then it was bigger. An entire phase of the project fell through because someone assumed someone else would handle it. When he asked about it, all he got were sheepish shrugs.
No urgency. No accountability. Just... coasting.
He smelled pastries in morning meetings instead of coffee gulped down in urgency. He heard laughter where there used to be debate. He watched his once-driven team melt into complacency, basking in his easy approval.
And then they lost.
The project tanked. The client walked. The kind of failure that doesn’t just sting—it scars.
Michael sat alone that night, long after the office had emptied, staring at his screen’s reflection in the window. His hands were curled into fists and he frequently rubbed the back of his neck. His jaw also ached as he clenched it in frustration.
He knew feedback was crucial from his understanding of psychology. It had the power to build or break a team. But he just didn’t know how to get it right.
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Previously,
How to Deliver Praise & Criticism for Effective Leadership
"The language of truth is simple. Speak plainly, but let your words carry the weight of care."— Seneca
The essay below will show you how to deliver praise and criticism to your people to shape peak performance and high morale — without resentment or complacency manifesting.
Let’s get into it.