C. Love Yourself

If I'm worth anything later, I am worth something now.

Jul 07, 2025

P.S: Most of you loved this previous entry on How To Deal With Toxic People.

“Philosophy calls for simple living, but not for self-punishment—it’s quite possible to be simple without being crude.” —Seneca

I get lots of messages like these,

Today’s entry will cover the solution. It goes like this…

Tell yourself I love you.

Don’t overthink it. Don’t make it weird. Just say it like a fact. Like gravity. Like the sun rising.

Say it when things go right. Say it when they go wrong. Say it when someone lets you down, when the world ignores you, when you feel angry and stuck in life, when you’re about to repeat bad habits. Say it when you feel shame and regret, you’re but human. Say it because it matters more than any win or loss, more than any approval or applause. Say it because you’re learning to love yourself with the kind of loyalty lovers dream of—the kind that never wavers, never begs, never waits for perfect conditions.

Say it because you are yours and you’re on your side. And that alignment? That is everything.

People will come and go, betray you when it’s convenient, leave when it no longer serves them. But you? You’re here with yourself until the very end, in the exalted and embarrassing times. Sure, you’ll fail often on what you set out to do, maybe you’ll doubt why you ought to love yourself, maybe you’ll even betray and punish yourself for a fleeting moment—but you already know how that sucks and never helps. It’s never worth it. You live and learn, right?

And suddenly, a serene confidence starts to show.

When you do wrong, you reflect on the noble deeds you’ve done. You’re a good, hardworking, caring and dedicated person — just maybe tired, sleep deprived or someone has touched a deep psychological wound. You forgive yourself and ensure your self-criticism is kind and productive, at par with realistic standards, as Marcus Aurelius wrote to himself,

“Not to feel exasperated, or defeated, or despondent because your days aren't packed with wise and moral actions. But to get back up when you fail, to celebrate behaving like a human - however imperfectly - and fully embrace the pursuit that you've embarked on.”

You don’t wait for the world to recognize your brilliance so you can feel worthy and be happy. You don’t need to flog and speak ill about yourself to change. You don’t chase love—you are love. You don’t hinge your self-worth on outcomes, on wins, on who claps for you, on who loves you. You play the game because it’s just life, it’s yours to play. Because you like the moral challenge of creating a beautiful life, being aware of your flaws and accepting yourself as you are while aiming to be someone admirable in your eyes. Because doing good is what is right and benefits you. Because you know the hell you can raise and endure for what you care about, what you deserve and are very proud of yourself. It’s not easy. Your resilience is admirable.

And you do deserve the wins. Every one of them. The success. The attention. The admiration. You don’t get surprised when they come your way—you own them because they’re an inevitable culmination of who you are and what you’ve been doing. Yet, you enjoy the fruits without letting the ephemeral get to your head and distract you from working with purity and harmony. You don’t waste energy making small people feel big. You don’t barter your dignity for scraps of affection or dim your light. If they can’t handle your glow? You tell them to wear shades. Their insecurity is their problem.

And because you love yourself, you value your thoughts, inner voice, ideas and inclinations more than others’ — eager to apply, disagree or share yourself with those who’ll listen. You believe you’re worth something, that the world is only yet to catch up as Van Gogh wrote to his brother,

"If I make better work later, I still won’t work otherwise than now; I mean it will be the same apple only riper — I myself won’t turn from what I’ve thought from the start. And this is why I say for my part, if I’m no good now, I won’t be any good later either — but if later, then now too. For wheat is wheat, even if it looks like grass at first to townsfolk — and the other way round too."

You set the terms of how you’d like to be treated. You demand the respect you’re owed without getting angry or overbearing. You cut the dead weight of one-sided relationships because you know the abundance in you attracts the wealth of abundance in the world. You walk away from toxic rooms, bad deals, people who drain you. You work on your character and skills and seek opportunities where this worth is appreciated and rewarded. You take the pains to work out and eat healthy because you like to feel good, look good and get the optimal energy and focus to work on your goals. You don’t let negative and untested thoughts ruin your mood. You demand the best for yourself and work for it without complaint because you like a good quality life. You don’t beg for kindness—you expect it. And if it’s not given? You move on without a second thought. You don’t perform for an audience that doesn’t deserve front-row seats.

This is not arrogance. This is not delusion. This is just a product of loving yourself. Of beginning to be a better friend to yourself. We have high standards, yes, we face difficult truths about ourselves and our lives, no doubt, and we do hard stuff in honor of our purpose, in service of others and in preparation for the worst, but we don't hate ourselves.

***

For Ginger Ale, my love — to be kinder to yourself in everything you do.

Related and inspired by Van Gogh,

LXVI. How to Practice Self-Love

Stoic Philosophy

February 25, 2025

Read full story

Did you like this entry?

I always enjoy hearing from you, and for you to hear from each other.

Please leave a like (❤️), tell me what you think (💬) in the comment section and share this post with someone so that more people can discover and benefit from it.

The Stoic Manual

LXVI. How to Practice Self-Love

Discussion about this post

Ready for more?