XII. How to Argue
It’s the truth I’m after, and the truth never harmed anyone.
"If anyone can refute me—show me I’m making a mistake or looking at things from the wrong perspective—I’ll gladly change. It’s the truth I’m after, and the truth never harmed anyone. What harms us is to persist in self-deceit and ignorance." — Marcus Aurelius
Conflict is good when you approach it as a chance to deepen the connection with your friend or spouse rather than prove how right you are.
Or subdue people with your intellect.
This approach allows you to see and appreciate people’s perspectives while giving them the respect necessary to express their opinion.
So,
Entertain the idea that you could be wrong and another could be right without losing your confidence.
Repeat back the ideas people express and ask if you’ve understood them so you’re on the same page.
Then move to poke holes in their argument, if it’s wrong, while supporting your statements.
This way you get to give people the rare gift of understanding and empathy.
Sometimes you compromise to accommodate them.
That’s a constructive dialogue.
It's also strategic.
You continue to lay groundwork for your relationships to deepen and thrive because you respect how other people think.
They’ll be more open to your instruction and leadership in the future.
You also get to grow by strengthening your beliefs because you're open-minded enough to entertain ideas contrary to your own.
It’s F. Scott Fitzgerald who wrote:
“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.
It’s also wise to root yourself in solid principles on what’s right, like not losing your temper and being kind to people no matter what, as it allows you the confidence to explore the reasons why people do what they do or think without losing yourself.
Today's task:
Have a hard conversation you've been avoiding today aiming to understand the other’s perspective.
See you tomorrow. xo
A.V