face your fears
what’s worse: the danger or the fear of danger?
Fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm fearsome, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore. They leave that wisdom to those to whom it appeals. When the storm comes—when night falls—what’s worse: the danger or the fear of danger? Give me reality, the danger itself.”
- Vincent Van Gogh
This year has come to an end- a rather drastic one. And, if anything, I’ve learned that there are a lot of fears we compartmentalize. As Mike Tyson said, it’s not until we’re punched in the face that we realize how brave or cowardly we are. For example, I consider myself a reasonably brave person. But I get anxious doing night calls- and being a person who loves sleep, you can imagine how this can be hellish in a hospital where emergencies know not the time of rest and night and day become one. For that reason, one of the many practices I’ve been adherent to is doing more night calls and facing all else I’ve repressed and have been avoiding with a straight face and a stout heart. I want to do the things I couldn’t imagine myself doing and later on- wonder in amazement how I’ve gotten to do them and feel really proud of that. I want to wonder, may be a little ashamed, why I thought I couldn’t handle it- just as Marcus Aurelius tried to shake off his awkward and irrational bouts of anxiety. when he said,
“Don’t let your imagination be crushed by life as a whole. Don’t try to picture everything bad that could possibly happen. Stick with the situation at hand, and ask, “Why is this so unbearable? Why can’t I endure it?” You’ll be embarrassed to answer.
Stick with the situation at hand, and ask, “Why is this so unbearable? Why can’t I endure it?”
I want you to face your fears as well in this coming year, dear reader. Because see, there are fears we can name easily and others we keep half-hidden even from ourselves. It would be false to say it’s because we’re dishonest or gullible to rationalizations, but the truth is that some anxieties make us feel too exposed once spoken. They make us sound fragile- weak. They feel embarrassing. They threaten the self-image we’ve spent years assembling- the competent adult, the composed thinker, the person who has things more or less handled. So we move past them quickly, ignore or rename them as stress, ambition, pressure, bad timing.
Facing these fears feels dangerous. But, you’ll see as Seneca said, that…
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