More power to you. At my 50th HS reunion, I was proud to support a (female) classmate who called out the abusive behavior from 50+ years ago by a male classmate. It took time, but her voice was heard loud and clear, as he shrank from the scene, tail between his legs.
I live this and I have and continue to impart this on my own two adult children. The part I cannot reconcile is intention. It's that someone intended to hurt me, to try to anger me, or to make me jealous. While I can control how I respond to the action that might provoke those feelings, I still am hurt or angry or disappointed etc that someone I care about or love would want to purposefully inflict a pain on me. That I cannot remain stoic about.
Stoicism helps me pare down the noise of the human condition—I wag the tail, the tail doesn't wag the dog—but it doesn't eliminate it.
We ought to keep those who intentionally do wrong accountable for their actions through the virtue of justice - punishment ought to be fair and proportionate to their wrongdoing.
People often confuse responsibility with guilt. Guilt seeks justification before others, while responsibility is silent and personal. When we avoid it, we are really excusing ourselves, because deep down we feel the betrayal of our own self.
One of the lessons of Stoicism that has helped my life for the better. But I have to be honest. I still have to practice this all the time. Some days, I just catch myself starting to blame someone or a circumstance.
I've got yet another interpretation. I have spent the better part of a week being down on myself because my son's partner doesn't like the way I frame my conversations. For the last four days, I've been saying nothing, picking up his trails, asking him if I can do anything for him. No, thank you.
I spoke to my son about it. He says it's the way I express myself and why people (I've developed a herd) avoid me. The day BF arrived, we went out to eat, and after 20 minutes I calmly asked the server if I could still have that cup of coffee I ordered when we first sat down. She mouthed back to me. My two gentlemen looked at me in horror. The BF briefly excused himself. I got a lecture about my tone and choice of words. The BF didn't speak to me much until the next day. I got lectures that it's not all about me. Yes, it was. I wanted my coffee. She back talked me the rest of the meal. They felt they should over tip her for her service and to make up for me.
As it happened, a few days after this, I went to the doc to get my meds redone. I told him about it. I'm a baby boomer. He asked their age. Then, he said, "oh, God, millennials. You'll never speak the same language. Boomers are forthright to the point of bold. Millennials are so filled with guilt because they are so entitled. They think everyone should believe the same way they do. You poked what they saw as their perfect world. That is not a mental disorder. Ignore them."
He expressed the same concerns about me tonight. I ignored him."
i disagree partly...."The hard part, and what I want you to do, is feel everything fully — rage, fatigue, grief, longing — and yet refuse to be broken by it. " if you define fatique as mental or emotional and not physical, then these are all emotions a stoic should accept but defuse, not feel fully (intensely ?).....yet. refuse to be broken in spirit by it.
but the struggle against fate and certain death that defines a stoic is the PURPOSE of their struggle..... imho...to be a better person in society and to make society better as a culture we raise our children within.
thank you for your thinking and writing and virtual presence.
I agree with you, however I'd still like to beat the crap out of the rapist thar told the police I was harassing him.
More power to you. At my 50th HS reunion, I was proud to support a (female) classmate who called out the abusive behavior from 50+ years ago by a male classmate. It took time, but her voice was heard loud and clear, as he shrank from the scene, tail between his legs.
As you should.
You should! Keep wicked people accountable.
“The measure of your power is the measure of your attitude.” So true!
I appreciate you reading Cathie 💐
This is fantastic! Well written. I’m going to read this again every few days.
Thank you for the kind words Joe! Have a great day 🥂
Well done. I needed this today
All the best Andrew 🥂 Good day!
Small gains every day is 🔑
That’s the spot 🥂
💗💗
❤️
I live this and I have and continue to impart this on my own two adult children. The part I cannot reconcile is intention. It's that someone intended to hurt me, to try to anger me, or to make me jealous. While I can control how I respond to the action that might provoke those feelings, I still am hurt or angry or disappointed etc that someone I care about or love would want to purposefully inflict a pain on me. That I cannot remain stoic about.
Stoicism helps me pare down the noise of the human condition—I wag the tail, the tail doesn't wag the dog—but it doesn't eliminate it.
We ought to keep those who intentionally do wrong accountable for their actions through the virtue of justice - punishment ought to be fair and proportionate to their wrongdoing.
People often confuse responsibility with guilt. Guilt seeks justification before others, while responsibility is silent and personal. When we avoid it, we are really excusing ourselves, because deep down we feel the betrayal of our own self.
This is so meaningful to me. I know how it feels to stop blaming and take responsibility. Powerful.
Truly powerful Tina 💐
Deeply true.
That’s right Kip. Thank you for your time 🥂
This is wonderful and written well. Thank you.
I appreciate your kind words Richie 🥂
This is so very helpful and empowering.
I appreciate you reading Kerrie 💐
One of the lessons of Stoicism that has helped my life for the better. But I have to be honest. I still have to practice this all the time. Some days, I just catch myself starting to blame someone or a circumstance.
I've got yet another interpretation. I have spent the better part of a week being down on myself because my son's partner doesn't like the way I frame my conversations. For the last four days, I've been saying nothing, picking up his trails, asking him if I can do anything for him. No, thank you.
I spoke to my son about it. He says it's the way I express myself and why people (I've developed a herd) avoid me. The day BF arrived, we went out to eat, and after 20 minutes I calmly asked the server if I could still have that cup of coffee I ordered when we first sat down. She mouthed back to me. My two gentlemen looked at me in horror. The BF briefly excused himself. I got a lecture about my tone and choice of words. The BF didn't speak to me much until the next day. I got lectures that it's not all about me. Yes, it was. I wanted my coffee. She back talked me the rest of the meal. They felt they should over tip her for her service and to make up for me.
As it happened, a few days after this, I went to the doc to get my meds redone. I told him about it. I'm a baby boomer. He asked their age. Then, he said, "oh, God, millennials. You'll never speak the same language. Boomers are forthright to the point of bold. Millennials are so filled with guilt because they are so entitled. They think everyone should believe the same way they do. You poked what they saw as their perfect world. That is not a mental disorder. Ignore them."
He expressed the same concerns about me tonight. I ignored him."
i disagree partly...."The hard part, and what I want you to do, is feel everything fully — rage, fatigue, grief, longing — and yet refuse to be broken by it. " if you define fatique as mental or emotional and not physical, then these are all emotions a stoic should accept but defuse, not feel fully (intensely ?).....yet. refuse to be broken in spirit by it.
but the struggle against fate and certain death that defines a stoic is the PURPOSE of their struggle..... imho...to be a better person in society and to make society better as a culture we raise our children within.
thank you for your thinking and writing and virtual presence.
You’re right, our struggle ought to be geared toward a purpose - for others.