CX. Don't Let Idealism Hold You Back

There’s no light without a darkness to push against.

P.S: Most of you loved the previous entries on How To Deal With Toxic People & How To Negotiate.

---

Rappalo Boats by Wassily Kandinsky

“The fool is always getting ready to live.” — Seneca

"Each of us lives only now, this brief instant. The rest has been lived already, or is impossible to see." — Marcus Aurelius

Idealism makes life feel noble, grand - but it keeps us from getting the most out of our short time here. We wait for perfection before we act. We expect people to behave like saints. We hope we’ll get more time - more resources to work on our dream. We imagine we'll one day wake up free of fear, fatigue, or a seemingly incurable sadness. But that day never comes.

We hesitate to explore great opportunities, share our work, seize the day or meet new people because we want every situation to be flawless, every idea mind blowing, every interaction smooth. So we miss out on life-changing events. We delay mastery because we think, "If I can't be perfect, why even try?" This mentality fittingly cushions us against failure - after all, the path was rigged against us. But we can get better. We've proved it before, when we were young - crying in frustration trying to learn math. The wiser path is to choose what matters most, focus deeply, and aim to do it well within our constraints - even if just well enough to create a satisfaction we can live with.

It's also our demand for perfection in others that makes us angry, bitter, and disappointed. We assume people think like us, value what we value, and want what we want. But they don't. No one, even if we don’t know how they've managed to survive thus far, has learned and practiced our philosophy. No one, even monozygotics, have the same psychological make up. If we want peace, we have to give people grace. Let them be human. Let them mess up, as we have, and still be worthy of kindness and trust. Besides, if the world weren't as diverse as it is, we wouldn't have the intellectual richness that abounds.

Perfection is impossible. Life is messy. People are unpredictable. Even good people act from self-interest or bad judgment. But that doesn't mean they're evil. They're just human, all too human.

We also ought to extend this same grace inward. We will feel envy, lust, rage, exhaustion, pain - and sometimes we’ll think we’re weird or weak. But don't be mad at yourself or isolate from others. Those aren't signs of failure or defects to be ashamed about. Emotions come with being human. We must embrace our unideal aspects and integrate this shadow so that it can introduce us to our strength. There’s no light without a darkness to push against.

---

Did you like this entry?

I always enjoy hearing from you, and for you to hear from each other.

Please leave a like (❤️), tell me what you think (💬) in the comment section and share this post with someone so that more people can discover and benefit from it.

Support The Stoic Manual and access 200+ premium in-depth essays: lessons & mini-courses in the art of living, consolations for difficult times, Relationship Mini-courses, The Wealth Playbook, Leadership Skills, Social Skills and Health Tools for a virile and distinguished life. Annual/Patron members get a free copy of my book, ‘THE TOOLS’ + over 40,000 words of bonus content and a free copy of ‘THE STOIC MANUAL VOL. 1’ dropping next year.

Join 69,050 other readers,